[. . .]

Sometimes I think God allows us to go through rough times so that we can share the wisdom and experience gained from it with others in similar situations. I mean, if learning from our mistakes can prevent or curb someone else's in the future then I think they're worth it.

But what about the times when you don't have any wisdom, experience or advice? What about the times when you want so desperately to change things or alleviate hurt that you can't? What about the times when even prayer sounds like a false advertisement? It's not working. There's no change. It's actually spiraling downward God, and so many hearts are going down with it.

I think helplessness is the worst feeling in the world, too. It's awful to see someone else's pain and know you can't help ease it. To watch someone hurt so bad and know that prayer is all you have. I like to feel useful. I like to have bits of encouragement and wisdom to share. I like to discover solutions, be helpful, see change.

And in the midst of feeling this way I'm convicted. Because maybe helplessness is actually what it's all about anyway. Maybe just the realization that we have no control and never really did to begin with is the lesson to be learned, and maybe it's just another way of striking down my pride in my sorry attempt to "fix" situations, people, problems, hearts and lives when only God can do that. It's just hard to accept that for an answer while hearts continue to break. But I think that's what trust is all about anyway, and to have trust you have to have faith.

Faith. Trust. Faith. Trust. They seem to go hand in hand, and I've heard them all my life. When I actually have to apply them to real-life situations, however, they take on a new meaning, and I find out where my trust and faith are really at. It's like running hills you know. You think you're in shape until you hit the hills, and then you find out pretty quick as reality hits. Either you are or you aren't, but you don't know until you are tested.

And if our purpose on earth is to have a trusting relationship with the God who created us, then maybe a few hills are needed to get back to that basic. Maybe they're a chance to see if I can practice what I preach, and maybe they're an opportunity to, once again, surrender my need to have all the wisdom for others as I learn to give things up to the only One who does.