[if Peter were a college student]

Yesterday I was studying the story of Gethsemane with a Chinese friend, and something really struck me. I have read that story countless times throughout the years, but it hit me in humorous and grave ways that the disciples were sleeping while Jesus was in agony.

Check out Matthew 26:35 first. Jesus tells Peter that he will deny Him three times before the rooster crows, but Peter insists he will never do that. "Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you," he claims.

Yet what happens in the verses following? He and the other disciples fall asleep when Jesus asks them to keep watch. Not once. Not twice, but three times they doze off. Jesus is gripped with agony knowing what lies ahead. He has warned them to keep watch and pray so that they do not fall into temptation. He has warned Peter before this that He will fall to temptation by betraying His Lord, and what do they do in response? They fall asleep! Why? "Because their eyes were heavy" [Matt. 26:43].

Peter's my favorite. This isn't the first time he makes bold claims and fails to live up to them. And it's not the last.

Earlier on in his discipleship, Jesus calls him to walk on water [Matt. 14:25-33]. Peter slips for lack of faith. There's his betrayal of Jesus in the hour most needed - the most remembered "stain", if you will call it, on Peter's transcript [Luke 22:54-62]. And later at Antioch, Peter is called out for having a double standard with Jews and Gentiles [Gal. 2:11-21] even though he is the one who declares to fellow Jews that Jesus died and rose for Gentiles too [Acts 10, 15].

If Peter were a college student today, I think we'd be friends. "I'll never do that God," I declared coming to college. "Not me. You know I have no intentions of getting involved in those things. I'm on the straight and narrow. I love you. I won't even let those things tempt me." And I think there are others out there who can nod their head at this too.

Then college arrives, and there are party invitations. People don't attach meaning to your last name. There's freedom. There's relationships. There's choices. And it's in those times of choices that you find out where your heart is really at. "Oh Lord I'd never do that!" becomes a pretty weak statement when you realize you are also human and full of desires you didn't know you had and tempted in both mind and body to do things you insisted you would never ever do.

With this reality in mind, you've gotta love Jesus' statement in Luke 22:31-32: "Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers." Simon, Simon, you will fail, but I pray you will know the grace that catches you when you repent. Simon, Simon, in the midst of seeing your failure, you will see my goodness that much more. I pray you turn back. I pray you are even stronger because of your failure.

Truth is, we don't really understand the gospel until we see our utter failure to live up to who we think we are and who we want to be. I do the things I don't want to do and the things I want to do I don't do [Romans 7:14-20]. This is reality my friends, and it is only when we come to the end of ourselves that we see the cross for what it is. Peter did that, and this is why I like him.

He understood the reality of his sin. He recklessly failed many times. He fell far short of living up to who he thought he was. And by God's grace, after Peter repented and turned back and stopped depending on his strength or will power, God did incredible things through him to take the gospel to the nations.

This is the Bible. This is the gospel. This is what Christianity is to be about. Not perfect or holy or do-good people. Broken, failed, redeemed people. This is me, and I praise God for the utter failures in my life [both those that have passed and those to come] because it reminds me Who this is all really about.

"Not me God. I'd never do that," we claim. But I urge you to be careful of those words. I said them and found myself looking back and realizing I was sleeping when I should have been praying, just like Peter in Gethsemane. Yet when we turn back, when we repent, God uses the reality of our brokenness to shine His glory through us that much more. This is a beautiful gospel of redemption and restoration. May we all see the Peter in us, and from that, come alive to the goodness of God and His grace.

[dear God]

Dear God,

It's Valentine's Day, and as a single woman, I feel like there are two approaches I can take. Either I'm a hater of all things love or the overly optimistic one people also hate.

But what if I'm neither? What if I have no need to voice my opinion about Valentine's Day via Twitter or bookface? What if it's really ok just to be single and know that love isn't left up to one day of the year or a boy/girl couple relationship? I feel like You're ok with that too, God. I know that the love you offer is a lot more complete and fulfilling and lasting and faithful than this world even knows, and I'm ok simply soaking that in today.

Boy we sure get wrapped up in a lot of fleeting things. They're fun, sure. They're adventurous, sure. They're romantic, sure. But they're also temporary and sometimes leave us more empty by the end. Thanks for being eternal God. Thanks for being faithful. I'd take a guy after Your own heart any day, but I also know that my deepest desires are only ever going to be fulfilled by You.

Love,
Hannah