[being and doing]

I get these mixed up all the time. Being and doing. Which comes first? Which am I responsible for? Is one more wrong and one more right? Where does the line between worship and work fall? The gospel is a free, unearned and undeserved gift. It's living out of thankfulness for the One who set us free from the bondage of sin. That's being.

But there's also doing. There's these commands of Jesus that say, "Love your neighbor." "Don't worry." "Pray." Act on your faith and act out the grace you've been given.

So where and how do we find the balance between the two? One screams, "Martha, Martha. You're worried and upset about many things but only one thing is needed." The other says, "Go and make disciples of all nations."

Worship me. Be still. . . Take action. Obey me. Can you see the difference, or am I the only one?

So which is it God? I'm confused. This world. This church. This culture I'm a part of is wrapped up in doing many good things for You. But then You tell us we can't do anything for You, only because of You. And so I'm back to where I started. Feeling like I'm back in my freshman-year intro to philosophy class. And leaving more confused than when I came.

I like Ephesians 1:17 though - "I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better." It reminds me of Casting Crown's song "To Know You" which says, "more than my next breath, more than life or death, all I'm reaching for. I live my life to know You more." Paul doesn't write, "I ask God to give you the Spirit so that you can be a good Christian or a good missionary or a good neighbor and friend and witness." He prays for more of the Holy Spirit "so that you may know him better." And when we know God, we begin to know and love the things He loves. Like forgiveness. Something impossible to do when that's all we see it as - something we should do.

And I understand that to know God is to be changed by God. To walk close to Him. To let Him transform the parts of me that are ugly and black and so contaminated by this world and myself that I don't even know it. So that I want and have the capacity to live out His love beyond my human weaknesses. So that worshipping God isn't something I set aside time for each day. So that worship and work aren't two parts of me but all of me. Inseparable. Unrecognizable apart from each other. That the things I feel I have to do as a result of grace are actually just who I am. That I see God's grace every day for the things I'm not and stop putting my life into two compartments - worship and work - when they're really one. Intertwined and interdependent.

Isn't that what Romans 12 means after all anyway?

[to know is to obey]

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" [Jesus]

Less than 24 hours ago there were three English classes for next week that didn't have a teacher. I'm supposed to be taking off for Maryland early tomorrow morning for my brother's wedding, but it stresses me out to leave before things here are covered while I'm gone.

So I prayed for three teachers. Sounds trivial I know, but I was walking my cool-down blocks after my run this morning and figured the least I could do was ask God to provide.

Six hours later I have three teachers. Asked four people. Got three "ok's". And many times in situations like this I'd thank God afterwards but not think to ask Him before. When I can see clearly how a problem needs to be fixed - call people and ask - I take God out of the equation and rely on myself instead.

But no problem's too small for prayer. No detail too insignificant. Nothing too ridiculous. For some reason God cares, and for some reason He answers, and I don't know about you, but I could put Jesus' commands into practice a wee bit more often. "Don't worry." Straight up. End of story. 'nuff said.

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own." Again attributed to Jesus.

And as Joanna Weaver once pointed out, "To know Him is to hear His words and lovingly obey Him, or we know Him not at all."