[perfect faithfulness]

Read Isaiah 25 today in record speed before sprinting out the door with my coffee in one hand and bag in the other. Off to school for another busy day of student teaching. I'd been meaning to get up earlier and have a long quiet time, but good intentions don't always translate into action I'm sorry to admit.

As I was driving, though, the phrase "perfect faithfulness" kept coming to mind - Isaiah 25:1. "O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise Your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago." And I couldn't quite wrap my mind around it, but I started meditating on this idea.

God's perfect faithfulness. That mean's it's never late. It's always enough. It's never biased. It comes without strings attached. It's flawless. Tried and true. Free from the world's motives, desires and shortcomings. And God's track record? It's spotless. His motives? Pure. You just don't see that anywhere here on earth. Maybe in our minds, yes, but not reality. That was my food for the heart yesterday morning as I drove towards school.

Then, later that day, a friend sent me a new song to look up - "I Lift My Hands" by Chris Tomlin. And I loved it right away. My favorite part is the chorus:

"I lift my hands to believe again.
You are my refuge. You are my strength.
As I pour out my heart this things I remember
You are faithful God forever." [chris tomlin]

You are faithful God forever. Isn't perfect faithfulness another beautiful sign of God's grace inspite of our broken world. His righteousness and holiness and perfection shine brighter, and man I just want an increase of faith to truly believe instead of simply knowing that kind of stuff. May You, O Lord, grant me grace and help me with my unbelief.

[identity]

There are a lot of books written on this subject. A lot of programs dedicated to this topic. A lot of quotes and verses pinned to mirrors and fridges and bulletin boards to serve as positive reminders. But in reality, no matter how many feel-good books I've read and things I've heard, my struggle with contentment in who God has made me to be never goes away.

For a while I stopped blogging. Got busy. Used my time for other things. And started reading other blogs that were funny, witty, more entertaining. And I got stuck in that trap of dwelling on all the things I wasn't. It didn't eat me alive every waking moment, no, but it got under my skin enough to stick around way longer than it should've.

Then the other day I came across Job 39:13-18. It's just a funny passage about an ostrich, but for some reason I love verses 17 and 18: "for God did not endow her with wisdom or give her a share of good sense. Yet when she spreads her feathers to run, she laughs at horse and rider."

He's not lying either. I've ridden an ostrich before, and I hung on for dear life. And to our human eyes the animal seems so pointless and dumb. Yet to God it's another part of His patchwork on earth. Another example of His diversity and love for beauty in all shapes, forms and sizes. Another piece of evidence that He has a purpose behind every detail of our lives. He did not make the ostrich smart. But He did make it fast. And He called it good inspite of our human tendancy to question it's purpose.

So when I get stuck in the trap of dwelling on everything I'm not and degrading my identity based on those things, I continue to remind myself that there are always going to be people I'm not. But if the glory of God is spread through the earth by giving certain gifts to some and other gifts to others, than Amen. So be it. May my life be lived by my identity in Christ - not in comparison to other people.