[when heat comes]

Here's the thing about words and blogging: sometimes they're stuck. In your head. In your fragmented prayers. In your heart. But you try to deliver them on paper or in sentences, and they're just a jumbled mess. After four consecutive days of go-go-go, I especially feel that way.

I started several blog posts tonight only to delete them. It's Thursday. I promised to write on Thursdays. But I haven't had the silence or time to let myself even think yet today. How am I supposed to come up with something meaningful and interesting for you to read? How many of you have I already lost?

Perhaps my best bet is just to start with a piece of my journal from Monday. From my sacred few hours before arriving at church. My time for running, for coffee, for breakfast, for God. There is very little I can anticipate or control in my days, but those precious quiet hours I can and do. From Monday:

Reading in Jeremiah this morning, and I really like the analogy in 17:7-8. It says:

". . blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,

whose confidence is in him.

He will be like a tree planted by the water

that sends out its roots by the stream.

It does not fear when heat comes;

its leaves are always green.

It has no worries in a year of drought

and never fails to bear fruit."

I love that it compares the blessed man to a tree planted by water. No matter what goes on around the tree - even scorching sun - the tree is nourished and fruitful because of it's source. What a powerful metaphor for life.

If we are fed by the living water (Jesus), we too will be nourished and fruitful in our own lives, no matter what. Our joy and peace won't rely on external affairs like today's news, someone's reactions to us, if things go our way, how easy a task or relationship is, if our efforts are acknowledged and rewarded, if our love is appreciated, if our physical body is healthy or if our bank account is full. Those elements live, change and die by the hour, day and season.

But a person rooted in Christ? This says that person can have joy and peace no matter what. This tells us we will have no fear when the heat, drought, pressure, pain and hard things come.

I love this metaphor. But I also have a problem with it.

Why is it so easy to agree but so hard to believe and live out?

Why do I love the idea but question it's practical feasibility? Does God really know the kind of world we live in today, I hear you ask?

Does He understand the pressures of success and work and money and achievement? Does He know how difficult that person is? Does He think it's that easy to forgive my spouse? Does He understand how sick my dad is? Does He think there will ever be peace and reconciliation in my country? Does He really even care about my problems? After all, He's busy running the world. Why should He bother with me?

Root myself in Him you say? Sure. That's easy enough. But why isn't this situation getting easier, more hopeful, better? Let's look closely at those verses again.

They say, "It does not fear when heat comes." Notice when. Not if heat, when. It promises heat will come. This tree does not escape heat just because it is connected to a life-giving source. It is not a special, exempt tree from the elements of life. And yes, God could shield it from everything if He wanted.

But that's not how life works.

We all want that. We all want to be shielded from hard things. But let's face it. We're human. And there are all kinds of elements that happen simply because we are part of the world. God doesn't isolate us from everything difficult. He leaves us in the world, in the elements, and He gives us a way to draw on His life, strength and love through it all.

I told you earlier that my morning time to myself is sacred. My time to plant my own roots in Jesus rather than the situations all around me. It only became precious hours to me, though, because of a time of heat in my own life.  A time I will forever be grateful for. Do I still struggle to live this out? Absolutely. But is God growing me through it? Every day.

Embrace the heat, my friends. It will force you embrace your roots in Jesus. And if you find they are shallow, don't panic. God is up 24/7 willing to meet with us whenever we choose to meet with Him. You won't "find" time in your packed schedule for this. You must make time. And then defend it. No matter what. No matter what excuse the world gives you to panic in the heat.

[no filter, no hashtags, no problem]

My husband started grad school last week, so Thursday nights are now 3-hour lecture nights for him. His first suggestion for my Thursdays while he's at class? To blog again. It's not that I don't have the desire. I often don't have the time or leftover energy after full days that are never routine or quiet or slow. But I do want to, so here's to attempting regularly for the next few months, on Thursdays, while he's in class.

Tonight's topic? Things to leave in 2014. Yes I know it's January 22, but it's never to late to make new resolutions.

At the top of my list? Hashtags and selfies. My husband's? Quinoa and elevator music. There's a funny story about that quinoa which I'll have to tell you another night, but let's get back to hashtags and selfies. And oh yes, add instagramed food pictures to that list after another failed baking adventure tonight.

Just before blogging, I tried making a chocolate roulade recipe that looked fun and delicious. Google it if you want to know what the Instagram picture should look like. You make a thin chocolate cake in the oven, let it cool, spread more chocolate on top, roll it several times  and then cut it into slices (just like making cinnamon rolls).

Truth is, even though I read the directions three times before starting and followed them precisely, mine looked a lot more like a large heap of brownie sundae gone wrong. It tastes delicious, but I'm positive you won't be seeing it in the bakery aisle anytime soon.

As I wiped up the large chocolate puddle that leaked all over my counter, I laughed thinking, "I really should have taken a picture of this mess." But wait a second. Why is it we only take pictures of the food that turns out right? Why is it that we take pictures of food at all? And then it gets worse. We add hashtags! Who in the world woke up one day and thought they'd add the pound sign to every random thought they had? About food?! And they'd broadcast to the world these pound-signed thoughts, and the thoughts would be #yum #delicious #perfection. What do you want us to reply? "Great news. Ithinkyourspaghettiiscoldnow"?

Sorry, back to failed baking. These social media, failed baking, things-to-leave-in-2014 random topics have a point. I promise. I think they all speak to a deeper issue that will start to become truth about our generation if we don't wake up. An issue with admitting failure, appearing less than perfect, being human, being normal and sometimes being more disappointed, discouraged, exhausted, frustrated or lonely than #happy #bestfriend #bestdayever #love.

I'm a person who craves authenticity. If you know me, you know that I can't do fake, can't do drama and can't do keeping up with appearances. So as I blog, I will try to be that. And if you choose to follow, please also vow with me to laugh more often at our failures in 2015. Leave your hashtags, selfies and instagramed perfections in 2014, and let's vow to embrace life as it comes, in all it's triumphs and failures.

#nofilter Is that that right poundsign? Great. Make it your last one.

And come back next week.

For now, I have a roulade-turned-brownie-sundae that should be chilled and ready for tasting.