[greater things are still to be done in this city]

I'm in. I don't know what it means. I don't know when. I don't know where. I don't know anything, but I want to be a part of God's plan to take the gospel where it's never been heard before, and I was told this weekend that if I don't tell people it means I have a plan B, a second option in case this missions thing doesn't work out. No plan B though. I'm scratching my multiple ones out.

Six weeks ago I came out here more interested in helping bring social justice to the world, and I thought that would be enough. Yeah I wanted to share the gospel, but I figured I could do that through building schools, developing education programs, running after school programs, helping refugees and whatnot. I was broken of that pretty fast, though, and for the first time in my life, I want to go overseas for the purpose of spreading the gospel rather than trying to right every injustice.

William Wilberforce, the politician famous for helping abolish the British slave trade, once said, "Having heard all of this you may choose to look the other way, but you may never again say that you did not know." And in so many ways, I feel like that's the story of everything we've been learning and doing. I can't go home knowing all that we've learned and do nothing. Sure there are plenty of other ways to serve the Lord in comfortable places, but our speaker this past weekend really challenged us on a whole new level. "Bust through the fear. Bust through the excuses. Bust through the fog," he said. "It's not sin that will keep you from going overseas. It's distractions like 'this is good too. This is needed too.'"

But I want to be obedient to God's command to share the gospel with the world that has never even had a chance to hear. I was born in a place where there are churches on every corner and Bibles in almost every house, but God doesn't love me any more than the person who's born where those things aren't. And I find no contentment or peace in understanding that and doing nothing about it.

The cross has been magnified this summer like never before, and I'm continually broken by my increasing need for forgiveness, grace and mercy. Even though I don't have all the answers and am extremely unqualified to go, I want to be used anyway to spread the message of salvation, and I know God can only use willing hearts.

Philippians 3:12-14 says, "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do - forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

And I the thing that always hits me is the word 'straining' that Paul uses. He doesn't have all the answers, and he's not perfect, yet he's pressing on with what he does have. Not speed walking. Not jogging. Straining. Running with his all in obedience to the gospel of Christ, and that's how I want to run this race called life. There are always plenty of good things to take up my time and my energy, and I know they're not bad things. But God has a more urgent need - to save a lost world from their sin - and I want to help spread the news of salvation that has been shared with me.

"Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done in this city." [Chris Tomlin]

[what do i know of holy?]

The things I'm learning out here don't fit into an email or a blog - hence I haven't written as much as I was planning. They can't be told in a quick five minute conversation,though, or even an hour-long coffee date. Every time I start to try and re-tell bits and pieces of what I've heard and done and learned it's absolutely impossible, but there's one thing I know for sure. My God is a big God. Sure we sang the song "Great Big God" in junior choir and VBS as a kid, but to sing it and to truly believe it in your heart are two different things. And if there's anything I am guilty of, it's putting God in boxes and limiting Him on what I think He can do.

However, the stories I've heard, the people I've talked to, the difficult and painful lessons I've learned through experience, the wisdom I've gained from others around me and the Scripture I've read and learned from out here have completely changed my view and understanding of the Maker of this universe. Because it's one thing to know a lot about God, yet it's another to obey what you know, and I know I've got a lot to work on in the obedience category.

Through all of the constant learning and growing and being stretched and humbled and challenged again and again, though, I have never felt such a desire to know God more. Maybe it's like running you know? It takes awhile to get your legs back in shape, but once you do it almost becomes addicting and you never want to stop. Ok maybe only I have that problem, but still, you get the point.

The song that continues to hit me in the midst of all this is "What do I know of Holy?" by Addison Road. I am humbled and convicted by the lyrics (see below), and my prayer is that God would continue to show me Who He is and how I can be a part of His plan. I feel like I'm going to leave this summer with more questions than I came with, but Luke 12:31 has been a constant peace on my heart and mind - "Seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well."

So as I get down to the last two weeks out here, I realize I don't have the answers to all of life's questions. And I don't have a 50-year plan for post-college. And I don't know exactly how it all applies to my journey through life. But I do serve a God who does, and after watching my view of Him completely blow up this summer, I trust that His plan is a lot better than anything I can come up with.


[what do i know of holy? by Addison Road]

i've made You promises a thousand times
i've tried to hear from heaven, but i talk the whole time
i think i've made You too small
i've never feared You at all
if You touch my face would i know You?
looked into my eyes could i behold You?

but what do i know of You who spoke me in motion?
where have i even stood but the shore along Your ocean?
are you fire? are you fury? are you sacred? are you beautiful?
so what do i know - what do i know of holy?

i guess i thought that i had figured You out
i knew all the stories and i learned to talk about
how You were mighty to save
but those were only empty words on a page
then i caught a glimpse of who You might be
the slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

what do i know of holy?
what do i know of wounds that will heal my shame
and a God who gave life its name?
what do i know of holy?
of the One who the angels craved
all creation knows Your name
on earth and heaven above
what do i know of this love?