[who's attention are You trying to get?]

A few weeks ago there was an apartment fire in my city that destroyed the homes of several international friends. Thankfully no one was hurt, but I spent a lot of time feeling sad and sorry for my friends the day it happened.

As I was dwelling on it and riding my bike home that night, though, I looked up from the path before me into the most beautiful sunset. The brilliant mix of colors was beyond a Crayola box of 64, and the clouds seemed to dance and float across the sky reflecting them. In that moment, these verses from Psalm 50 came to mind:

"The Mighty One, God, the LORD,

speaks and summons the earth

from the rising of the sun to the place where it sets.

From Zion, perfect in beauty,

God shines forth.

Our God comes and will not be silent;"

From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets. Our God comes and will not be silent. Wow.

Immediately I was reminded of my run a month ago through the cornfields and gravel roads of home. I had forgotten my headphones, so it ended up being six miles of prayer time and mind wandering, but as I looked around me at the sun-scorched crops that day, I couldn't help asking myself, "Whose attention are you trying to get God?"

To say it's been a dry year is an understatement. Very little snow this winter. Very little rain this summer. Corn turning brown in July like it was October - killing itself from the bottom up. Plants looking pretty parched. Creeks looking pretty sandy. Temps always way too hot and sunny without rain to refresh the earth.

But as I ran that day and looked at the scorched, thirsty crops, I was reminded that God was in control. That only He could "tip over the water jars of the heavens" (Job 38:37-38). That even when a farmer does everything else perfectly, they are still at the mercy of things beyond their control. But in that moment of helplessness, there is also a beautiful opportunity for faith to develop. And isn't that what it's ultimately all about anyway?

Our attention. That's what God wants more than anything else. And I'm learning He'll do whatever it takes to re-focus our hearts and eyes back to Him who gave us them in the first place. 

For some it takes a fire that destroys the temporary things of this world. For others it's a dry year where one's income, needs and livelihood are at the mercy of mother nature. For me? It was homesickness in South Africa. It was watching things I found my identity in crumble before me. It is now finding myself in a job where I have no choice but to depend on God for things I can't control, things I don't know, love and patience I don't have, difficult and painful situations I can't fix.

And though it often takes the hard things in life to finally look to God for strength and help, isn't it cool that He's gracious enough to give us those things? I mean, He loves us enough to allow hard things in life to happen - even though painful - because He ultimately wants to draw us back to Himself, the One who was before the world began and will still be around when the world ends. The One who made us in His image, bought our lives back on the cross and loves us as we come. The One who is so passionate about His glory and His people that He will not be silent. He will not stop pursuing us. He will not stop reminding us Who is in control and Who has the strength and wisdom to carry us through all things we face.

This is true grace, my friends, if we really stop to consider it. God loves us enough not to leave us where we are. And ultimately, more than happiness or easyness of life or simplicity, He wants our hearts, our worship and our love. And He will do whatever it takes to get our attention.

Super humbled by this. Super grateful. And praying I would continue to see His grace in all things. That both the good and bads of life are an invitation to once again put my faith and trust in Him who holds all things, knows all things, works in all things and has life under control when it seems chaotic and broken and overwhelming and hard from my perspective in the moment.

[the therefore]

The past few months the word "therefore" has been on my heart, mind and path. In my conversations, quiet times and songs. Constantly popping up and consistently pulling through.

According to Webster, it means "for that reason; because of that; to that end." It's never a word you start a thought or instruction with. It's a connector. Between what you've just said and what you want to say next. Because the statement that follows a "therefore" is always in light of what's before it - something else that must be read, learned and understood first.

And what's stuck with me the last few months is that the Bible is loaded with therefore-type statements. God never seems to deliver commands without that transition word or a phrase like it. "Because of X now do Y" or "in light of Y live like Z."

It's never "get your act together and shape up. Suck it up. Seriously what's your deal?"

It's always, "Remember what I've done for you. Remember who I am. Remember the way I have persistently and consistently followed through on every single thing I've promised throughout time and eternity. Then. Therefore. In light of that. Go live and serve and love this way, the way I originally made you, the way that will ultimately bring you the most peace, fulfillment and joy." God's commands are never apart from God's promises you know?

It's easy to forget that though.

There are things left undone. Things I know God calls me to do that I don't particularly want to do or be. Things I just can't seem to get figured out and truth I know but fail again and again to trust. The things I want to do I don't always do. The things I know I shouldn't do I continue to slip in.

And it's like, "Jeez God. Why am I such a failure? Why am I not better at this and trusting in that and able to be and do and live the way I know you want me to?"

When I find myself in this trap, I always have to come back to Romans 8:1-2. ". . there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit set me free from the law of sin and death." I am not condemned because I don't always have the faith, trust or love I should. I'm rebuked because I've failed to spend time with the One who gives those things.

Because when God calls us to do hard things, to give up hard dreams, to love hard people, to do more than just exist in this life and to hand over the rights to ourselves that we never really had anyway, we only find the strength and desire to do that when we spend time remembering Who He is and what He's done.

Everything begins at the cross and John 15 - remaining in God. Never with us trying harder, working longer, doing more or attempting to conjure up the things we know we're supposed to feel and do when truth is, we really don't feel them. We really don't care to do that. We're human. Painfully, obviously human. And that's not a miserable thing to dwell on. It's just reality.

This is the beauty of therefore, especially on days like today when I need it most. When I struggle with having any sort of patience or love or desire to be with people or serve people. When I wish the world would just stop spinning and running and my schedule would stop being filled. I realize it's not always a rebuking that I need, though, but a gentle, quiet reminder of Who He is and what He's done for me.

Passages like Isaiah 54:10 draw me back: "'Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,' says the LORD who has compassion on you."

And I'm reminded in my quiet time that I serve and love and give and hand over my time, moneys, talents and plans because of what God's done for me. Never because it's noble. Never because it's a religious duty. Never to earn God's favor. Never to try and avoid His rightful wrath. Always in light of His compassion, grace and mercy in my life. Always the cross comes first. Always the time with God. Always the gospel for me before others. Then the action. Then the ministry. Then the therefore.

[more of my 1,000]

Just jotted down number 623 on my journey to counting 1,000 things I love, thanks Ann Voskamp, and wanted to share a few. I think I'll keep going for forever though. It's amazing how much it's already affected me in powerful ways. So good.

233. attempting others' accents

242. smell of sun-dried laundry

261. how the gift brings the giver

270. that we are invited to come as we are

306. finding the perfect birthday card for someone

312. seeing a shooting star

321. eating at local restaurants

329. unexpected conversations

342. people-watching at airports

361. not having a clue what I'm eating but that it's good

374. non-morning people in the morning

384. drinking bottled pop

427. witnessing three sunsets in a row

454. riding bikes in Shanghai traffic

522. the reflection of a wooden dock on water

561. a competitive game of cards

576. watching fires burn

590. summer nights

600. Therefore. God doesn't deliver ultimatums. Everything He asks of us is in light of what He's already done in us.

624? in progress..

[peace: the absence of worry]

My devotion tonight mentioned 2 Thessalonians 3:16 - "May the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way." And it got me thinking about how peace seems to change meaning as it changes context.

For my friends from South Sudan, peace is no more fighting. No more death over land. Over resources. Over cows and power and religion and differences. For them, peace is the absence of war.

For friends from large, multi-millioned-people, cities, peace is quiet country silence away from the crowds and heat and crazy busyness of all that cities thrive on. For them, peace is the absence of poeple.

And God? The peace He is talking about here in 2 Thessalonians? I suppose I should go look up the original in Greek to get more meaning, but tonight I'm just going to take it at it's English translation. And to me, I sense the peace talked about here is simply a quiet heart and mind for once. It's a deep sense of confidence not in this world but in the God who made it. It's a trust that everything will work out. That life in all of its ups and downs is good. That this is not the end. Tonight, peace is the absence of worry for me.

I know it might change tomorrow. But tonight it's a quiet assurance that all is right in the world because my God's in control. Sure there is lots to be done, lots of hurt, lots of need. But Easter has already arrived. We declare every day Easter, because Satan's already toast.

[how awesome is the Lord most high]

This morning Oswald Chambers' devotion in My Utmost For His Highest really strikes me. He writes:

"It is much easier to do something than to trust in God; we mistake panic for inspiration. That is why there are so few fellow workers with God and so many workers for Him. We would far rather work for God than believe in Him. Am I quite sure that God will do what I cannot?"

Dang. Am I confident that God will pull through, or am I busy going about my own way of trying to do His work my way?

Reminds me of a verse that came up in conversation the other night but also came to mind this morning:

"With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years is like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promises, as some understand slowness."    [2 Peter 3:8-9]

The Lord is not slow in keeping His promises. He is not slow in doing what He said He'd do. He is not late. He is not early. He has not forgotten, and He is not in panic-mode or trouble.

This is a God who has steadily revealed, proclaimed and carried out what He said He'd do since the fall of man - restore the earth and redeem people from every tribe, tongue, nation and language.

With willing and unwilling hearts, inspite of unfaithful people, in the midst and through broken lives, God has humiliated Satan with the cross and open grave, given us an everlasting example in Christ for how we are to live and provided a way to be made right with Him without compromising His holiness.

God didn't ease up on His requirements because we couldn't match them. He provided a way through the cross of Christ. And He doesn't need us to see His promises come true. But He uses the willing if we will stop trying to do it our way. That's the God I'm following. And I want to see Him work if I will just get out of the way.



[the things i couldn't capture]

The last four weeks, I've been on a sprint across the world. Literally.

Spent five days in Thailand, one week in Taiwan and one week in China visiting both native and American friends. Went to reunite, learn more about their countries and bring back fresh perspective to better serve internationals here.

Then off to St. Louis to help lead a week-long Bible seminar with others from Egypt, Ethiopia, China, Taiwan, Hong Kong, South Korea and the states. Four weeks of whirlwind schedules, traveling and many new friends, but good weeks. Fun. Humbling. Exhausting. Challenging. Blessed.

And even though I tried to take pictures, I feel they don't really do justice to the best parts of my adventures. The most beautiful places could not be contained by a simple Samsung camera, and there were so many things that won't be captured by any camera.

Like smells. You can't capture those. Smells of food vendors, fresh meats, fried foods and ripe (even smelly durian) fruits freshly cut.

Or heat - from the weather, from the grills, from the people all around and the cars weaving in and out of crazy traffic. From the life that simply makes up a city - a place where the lights seem to be always on, the horns always honking, the people always out.

You can't capture people's mannerisms or language or accents or genuine laughter. You can't capture a drive through Taiwan's mountains singing along to old American tunes your friends learned while living in the states. Or my blunders at Chinese. Or the funny way a word like "sluggish" becomes a joke that makes you laugh every time with new friends from Nanjing. Or a ridiculous dance.

And conversation starters like this in a country where people are told there's no God are impossible:

She said: I hear you work at a church.
I said: Yeah, I do.
She said: I had a Christian roommate in college. She was the best person I knew, and I wanted to learn about Christians because of her.
I said: Yeah?
She said: Yeah. But my stepmom also says she's a Christian and goes to that place every Sunday.
I said: Church? Where Christians meet to worship?
She said: Yeah that place. But she's not a good person. So I decided I didn't want to learn about Christians anymore. When I used to study the Bible and learn about Christians I had peace. Now I have no peace, and I know I am lost. I think you know how to find it again.

Wow. Talk about an opportunity straight from the Lord. 

What about helping another Chinese friend proofread her testimony before getting baptized? Or spending time in prayer with fellow Thai brothers and sisters who understand what losing one's life to save it means? To often give up family, friends and cultural acceptance to follow Christ?

You don't take pictures while worshipping with believers in home churches that are techically illegal. You can't take pictures of uplifting prayer, humbling stories, the image of God in others or the beauty of sweet conversations about life, joy, grace and Jesus.

Most of all, I couldn't take pictures of the lessons God taught me. Lessons about His power and authority in the world. Lessons that reminded me He's in-charge, and He's got this. I tend to get stressed, frantic and overwhelmed about all the needs in such a broken world, but God reminded me He's not stressed, frantic or overwhelmed.

He's done this before - softened hard hearts, broken hard ground, met needs, preserved the persecuted, answered the cry for justice, worked through the broken to reach the broken. He's the one whose name is on the line here, not mine, and I'm learning He works best in the impossibles.

There's a lot of things I don't have figured out. There's a lot of questions I don't have answers to. But after the last four weeks, I have full confidence that I'm following a God who does. A hectice four weeks. An exhausting four weeks. But an incredible four weeks that taught me much about living and loving, God and people, hope and courage. Humbled, thankful and truly blessed.

[i need Easter for today, not just eternity]

Today's Easter - a day of hope and celebration. A day for rejoicing in Jesus' victory over death. A day for the return of alleluias and remembering the open tomb.

But more than assurance for eternity, God's showing me an even sweeter message of Easter this year. The last 11 months have been hard transitioning from school to ministry. How to balance my time, relationships, personal life, to-do lists and opportunities best is a challenge. How to not lose my identity in Christ by becoming busy for Christ has been tempting. And how to absorb the reality of the world's pain and crap has been the hardest.

But that's what God's showing me about Easter this year. Ultimately Jesus defeated death that Sunday morn, yet more than that, He also gave us a resurrection hope for every day of our lives. If every sin was defeated that day, then every day is Easter. Every day those who are in Christ declare victory over sin - both our own and the effects of others' on us - because the wrath of God has been forever satisfied.

The depression, loneliness and grief? We have victory over that because of Christ. The heartaches, mental diseases and cancers of life? Defeated. What about the unending questions after a suicide? Or the kid who's dad took off? Or the woman questioning her worth and value after years of abuse? Or the reality that we continue to do the things we don't want to do and fail to do what we want to do?

Can we really believe Jesus absorbed that pain and sin too? Can we believe God aches with us in the brokenness of humanity? Can we trust that we have victory over Satan's attempts to tear us down, belittle our value, immerse us in defeat and hold us there? Can we still find confidence in Psalm 27:13 - that we will see the goodness of God in the land of the living?

I mean, hope sounds great when I read and talk about it. And then someone comes to me with an injustice of life, and I'm supposed to tell them it will all be ok? They're at the foot of Mt. Everest with no shoes, food, backpack or water, and all I have to offer is flip flops. I'm supposed to hand them my flip flops anyway and send them on their merry way God? I'm supposed to trust that that will be enough?

"That's crap," was my first response. But as I've wrestled that out with the Lord this year, I have come to learn that in all things I can pray, and in all things I can point them to the resurrection where God didn't just defeat death but also sin and it's effects in the present form here and now. That He also triumphed over anxiety, depression, abuse, anger, grief, identity issues, doubt, injustice and pain that day. Pointing people to the open tomb is what it's about.

No, I don't think God's only intent was to save us for eternity that Easter morn so many centuries ago. I also believe He saved us from ourselves and this world here and now. We can live amongst the pain and crap and yet declare victory over all things unjust, all things ugly, all things sin in both us and others because of the resurrection. We can watch as He persistantly and steadily redeems the earth and its people to their original image after Him. We can find our confidence not in what we have to give but in what He's already done to make things right.

These are the truths I find sweetest today. This is what Easter's about. Christ rose so that those who believe in Him may one day live with God, yes, but Christ also rose so we can live right now, in 2012, - both fully and freely. I don't know about you, but I need Easter for today, and I'm going to need it for tomorrow. Praise God Easter is not just about eternity.