[to stop counting]

A few weeks back a friend loaned me a book: Born to Run by Christopher McDougall. It's about a hidden tribe in the copper canyons of Mexico and their amazing ability to run endless miles over treacherous terrain. They wear sandals instead of running shoes, eat natural foods instead of goo packs and have never considered (or maybe even heard of) stop watches, heart-rate monitors or iPods.

Oh yeah. And when I said endless I meant it. Not 5K fun runs. Not marathons even. Try 50 or 100+ miles in one shot and then the same the next day. No joke. And no problem for them. So what's their secret you ask?

Turns out a lot of things. But of all the discoveries, one stuck out to me first. 

They never measured - distance, times, whether their feet under or overpronated, how many pounds they lost, BMI's, nothing. It wasn't about their mile splits or having a direct path marked out on GPS beforehand. They ran for the fun, the experience, the thrill, to get somewhere. They ran to enjoy and soak in their surroundings. They ran with friends and against friends in competitions. Where the victor's prize was simple pride in their accomplishment. No need for medals, Tshirts, money, beer tents, instagram photos and "post-race results."

In short, more than physically running, they discovered a pure heart and love for the sport. 

The day after I read that, I stopped measuring. Stopped taking my watch and iPod with me. I still mapped my routes beforehand to know mileage, but that's it. It's only been four weeks, and already I've noticed changes.

And it's got me thinking. What if we stopped measuring in every area of life? What if we stopped counting, stopped weighing, stopped assigning numbers to everything.

What if being healthy was more than counting calories, measuring inches, calculating pounds?

What if job success wasn't based on percents, sales, profits, efficiency?

What if the value of education and teachers wasn't based on test scores?

What if ministry wasn't about attendance numbers?

What if social media wasn't about "likes", "re-tweets" and "shares?"

What if life didn't revolve around constant comparison in how we "measure up" to others so that we are free to just be?

This I think could free a lot of people, myself included. To return to the basics of why we do what we do. Why did I start running? Truthfully I wanted to get to state cross country in high school. Then I wanted to avoid gaining the "freshmen 15" in college. But the true love began when running evolved into an escape and a prayer journey and a way to release and refresh. 

Somewhere along the way I forgot that though. I was obsessed with mile splits and pace after every run. I had goals for improving my half-marathon times and running a full. And sometime last year I started burning out, started a plateau. Running became a chore instead of a delight. My legs were tired before I started, and no matter how new my shoes were, they felt old and broken. 

I think the same thing can happen in any aspect of life if we're not careful. So I've stopped counting minutes and mile splits. Stopped analyzing times. Stopped relying on music to entertain myself. And though there is no "magic bullet" that works for all, it's been a true joy to reconnect with the basics again.

No measurements to define success.

No stopwatch to tell me I'm fast, slow, capable, not.

Just me, God, a road, a world waking up and a sunrise most days through the trees. Now to apply to the rest of life..

[that's the part you gotta worry about]

Last night I found an old journal entry that struck me. I had been meditating on Matthew 6:25, a well-known and repeated verse:

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?"   

-Jesus

And though I'd heard those words countless times, what hit me was how insignificant those worries seem to be in light of the problem of sin. It's as if God was saying:

Worry about the moments you fail to extend My love and grace.

Worry about the money you hoard for yourself.

Worry about the things you buy in hopes they will provide happiness or joy apart from Me.

Worry about the grudges you hold.

Worry about the lies you tell to "get ahead" or make people assume only good things about you.

Worry about the judgments you make on others.

Worry about your impatience and rudeness in traffic or stores.

Worry about selfishness

Worry about pride.

Worry about all the things you put in front of spending time with Me.

Worry about thinking intellectual agreement is the same as belief.

Worry about ignoring Me when you don't like what I have to say.

Worry ignoring the people I have placed in your hands to serve.

Worry about the phone calls you avoid and relationships you squander.

Worry about losing your thirst and hunger for My Word.

Ever seen "Fox and the Hound"? It's a Disney movie about a dog and a fox that become friends, not knowing they're supposed to be enemies. As the fox (Todd) is examining another full-grown but fast-asleep hunting dog, he first notices his ears. Copper, the little dog, replies to his friend, "That's not the part you gotta worry about." 

Then Todd checks out his teeth. As he does, the big dog starts to wake up, and Copper yelps, "That's the part you gotta worry about!" as they run off to safety.

While a cartoon dog hunting a cartoon fox is a bit different, I think it's a great picture of what Jesus is trying to say here. The big dog's ears can't hurt the fox. But his teeth? Yessir. Not only can they do damage, but they can take his life. Same with what Jesus tells us to concentrate on instead of physical things:

"But seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you." (v. 33)

Seek first to honor, follow, believe, trust and worship Him. And in light of His Kingdom, the rest of what we seem to worry about gains perspective to become what it really is - temporary. 

[life that is truly life]

There's a verse that hit me in church last Sunday and continually came up all week long.

"These things are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God."    John 20:31

I've sung it countless times as part of the liturgy before. I can repeat it with my eyes closed actually, and intellectually I nod my head yes every time. But the beauty of God's Word is that it's living and active, and some of His sweetest lessons are when He opens our hearts to truth, not just intellectual agreement.

That's what it felt like this week for me. "These things are written. . "

Why?

"That you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God.."

And! There's more. It gets better.

". . and by believing you may have life in his name."

Let's be honest. It wasn't like God was bored one day and decided to write down His accomplishments. Needed to flex His muscles a bit. Thought someone might like to know some world history. He existed long before the world, will exist after and doesn't really need a Bible to back Himself up.

No, God inspired His Word for us. It was written down for us. To point us to Him. To reveal Himself. To teach us about His compassion, mercy, grace, truth, holiness and love. And He did it by using stories of people, average people, from many ages, many backgrounds and  many nations that had many struggles, triumphs, talents, failures, inadequacies, excuses and countless crap-I-messed-up-agains.

For us. That we may believe, and that by believing, we may have life not shortened by death. Life that is truly life (1 Timothy 6:17-19).

[a thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices]

Christmas seems almost . .  magical . . this year. Magical isn't the word, but I don't know what is. Technically, it's my 26th Christmas. I don't remember the first few, but I do have many fond memories and lists of little things I love that are unique to this season.

All that isn't what makes this year ... different, special, truly the most wonderful time of the year, though.

It's the fact that people seem less selfish and self-consumed. It's taking a break from work and school to make time for people. It's the joy and fun of giving. It's when the things/people of life that should matter most actually do. 

And it's lines like this from O Holy Night - "A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices, for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn." 

Weary. Isn't that a great word to describe our world today? I'm tired. Everyone's tired. When's the last time someone told you they were well-rested? Seriously. It sounds hilarious to even hear it in my head let alone from someone's mouth. 

"A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices." Those words were written to speak of the night Jesus was born, a time when the world was hungry for hope. 

But truthfully, not much has changed. We're still starving for it today. 

Starving to remember, to believe, to trust and to persevere. Starving to look beyond circumstances of situations, struggles, war, tragedy, poverty and pain to believe it's still a beautiful world. Starving to defeat Satan's lies, so that, no matter what life brings, our hope is anchored in God who loves us beyond circumstances of this life and is not deaf to our troubles or prayers.

The more I get to know people from around the world, the more I realize how much we, how much I, need the gospel, the good news, hope every day. 

And it doesn't matter what our battle is. 

It doesn't matter if it's illness, grief, finances, parenting, marriage, depression, abuse, exhaustion, complacency, anger, pride, selfishness, poverty, fear, fighting or loneliness. We need a God who is greater, stronger, wiser and more powerful to look to and to trust in, and that's what Christmas is about. The gift of the Savior who not once let us down, not once loved us less and not once avoided God's will to die on a cross and conquer sin, death and the devil for us. A Savior who gives us greater citizenship in heaven, beyond the world's broken systems.

This is our hope, world! This is our Christ, our Messiah, our Savior. This is the time to rejoice. Joy to the whole wide, often weary, world, the Lord has come. 

And with Him, He brings beautiful, beautiful hope.

[nothing compares]

**This post is ironic considering my last one. I didn't realize that until I was editing everything I had written out here. It had been long enough that I didn't remember what I previously wrote about, and wow - exactly the same thing. Ironic? I think not. Carry on:

Last night I drove home early enough to see the sun set. As I coasted down the interstate, it slowly faded to my right into a brilliant mix of pinks, purples, blues, yellows and oranges - painted in streaks across the sky, making everything else glow in it's wake, even more stark because of the colorless landscape all around.

It commanded attention in the most beautiful way, and it deserved it.

Sadly, I didn't get to an off-ramp fast enough. Then when I did, there were houses and businesses and cars in my way, and I found myself frustrated with all the man-made stuff interfering with creation.

Finally, though, I got far enough away from buildings to freeze the last few moments:

The picture doesn't do justice to the brilliance a few moments before, but it was a try. As I got back in my car and headed home, I found myself driving by a big, beautiful, luxurious home and thinking, "That's ugly compared to what I just saw." 

And it was funny to me because I've spent countless hours admiring houses - as I drive, as I run, as I explore new neighborhoods and cities, just living life. I sometimes dream about what kind of house I'll hopefully live in some day - small enough to not spend my life cleaning or filling it with worthless stuff, big enough to welcome the people I love. Full of mementos and life-acquired memories and cozy. 

But then you see sunsets like yesterday, and you fall in love all over again with the beauty of God. The beauty He creates and lets us enjoy. The beauty of knowing Him.

And nothing compares. Sure I get side-tracked and distracted by the world's wealth, beauty, attraction. Sure, I fight the constant battle between my desires and humanity versus God's will and Word. Sure, it's easy to lose sight of that so fast. To squeeze God out, even with other good things. (See last post if you don't believe me. I told you this was ironic.)

But it's a humbling moment when you look out your window and see indescribable beauty. Even here my words feel clumsy and inadequate trying to describe the greatness of God I felt in the moment, the worthiness of God I answered 'yes' to, the grace of God allowing us to simply enjoy Him because He is good.

Like I said last time, it's the battle of a lifetime to answer, "Yes Lord, nothing compares to You." But it's a battle oh so worthy of being fought.

[good intentions failed again]

Do you ever have a love/fail relationship with verses? Philippians 3:8 says, "What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ." And I love it.

I agree with it wholeheartedly. I want it to be true in every aspect of life.

But truth is, it doesn't take much to distract me. That struck me the other day as we discussed it with the high school youth group. Oh Lord, everything else is rubbish, but...I really want that new pair of shoes because I like them. Nevermind I have many others and haven't given an offering this week. Oh God, everything else is rubbish, but...I would rather go to the ISU football game instead of doing ministry things. Everything else is rubbish, but I got distracted on the internet and wasted all the time I had set aside to read my Bible. The list goes on.

"I consider everything a loss.." yet I cling tightly to the familiar, the easy, the things I love, my humanity. I intellectually agree with the verses, and then real life happens, and my feet, hands and heart fail to follow. 

And you know, the thing that brings me comfort is that Israel had the exact. same. problem. When Moses read the Book of the Covenant to them they responded, "We will do everything the LORD has said; we will obey!" [Exodus 24:7] But when Moses takes longer than their liking on the mountain, they decide to make themselves a golden calf idol instead. 

Or Peter. Jesus predicts his denial, and he responds, never. "Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will. . . Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you."  [Matthew 26:33,35] And then he does - all. three. times.

You see, the more I grow in faith, the more I see my humanity, sin and struggle to follow God more clearly. A Chinese friend once asked me, "What about the good people who don't know the God? What happens to them?" And I answered, "Well, God doesn't judge our goodness compared to other people. He judges us compared to Jesus." "Ohhhh then no they're not Jesus," she responded with a shaking head.

Neither am I. Neither are you. And so we nod our heads yes, yes Lord when we like the promises and commands in His word. But every day the devil sets traps all around us, and every day I'm a sucker for them. Distractions. Worry. Impatience. Selfishness. Pride. Greed. The list goes on.

Which is why I also like verses like Psalm 25:15: "My eyes are ever on the LORD, for only he will release my feet from the snare." Only He has the way out.

You see, our culture today is obsessed with "how-to's" in 5-10 easy steps. I just Googled that exact phrase and got these results on the first page alone:

-"How to lose 10 pounds in just two weeks!"
-"Five steps to find your inner balance"
-"Five winning ways to grow a savings account"
-"How to clean your room in less time: 5 steps (with pictures)"
-"How to win chess in five moves or less"

But when I tried to apply that idea to sin in my life it didn't work out so well. Instead I have to come back to Christ's defeat, Christ's victory over sin, Christ's sacrifice once and for all. I have to be humbled once again that it's not about what I can do but always about what Christ has done. It's always about His strength and perfection, not mine. And ultimately it's always always always about God, not me.

When I come back to that foundational truth, that is when I can truly say, "everything else is rubbish Lord apart from knowing you." And that's the battle of a lifetime.

[it's good to be "normal" again]

Ahhhh I didn't forget about blogging, and I didn't give up on it. I got engaged, was part of weddings, went to weddings, planned my wedding, spent a week in St. Louis and a week in Texas at conferences, moved cities, continued ministry, got married and somewhere in-between continued to eat, sleep, run and breathe.

And you know, it's been fun. But holy smokes I am glad to settle back into a "normal person" life. A routine of some sort. A weekend free here or there. A living room that isn't full of piles and boxes. A purse that isn't full of "to-do" and "don't forget" lists. A person who's every conversation isn't about a one-day event.

I'm not complaining. Planning our wedding and the day itself were a dream come true. Almost all of the people I love most were in one place at the same time, just once. Never again will we have friends and family from 19 different states and representing 5 different countries witness our vows and share a meal and party together. Never again will I get to wear that beautiful dress and feel like a pampered beauty queen. Never again will we get to make the day truly ours with personal touches and ideas.

We did. We loved planning and scheming for the day. We loved making it our own unique, personalized day. We loved the whole weekend with everyone. We love looking back at pictures that capture the fun, emotions, love, friendship and life that day.

And yet.

For all the hype and beauty of a wedding.

For all the reasons I would definitely go back and do it all over again.

For all the love, fun, emotions and life that day.

I'm glad it's over.

Because now life sets in. Now I'm a normal person again - not defined as a bride. Now the real beauty and work of marriage begins. Now what God designed to last a lifetime replaces the one-time event, and I'm so thankful for Him in it all.

No longer are my prayer times interrupted by thoughts of things I forgot to do. No longer do I drag out of bed because I spent too much time putting together invites or scheming on Etsy the night before. No longer do I sit down to read the Bible but fail to concentrate on anything except passages about love and marriage. And I'm definitely ok with that. 

To future brides that might happen to read this - stay excited about your wedding day. Put your heart into planning and making the day truly yours. Don't get fooled into buying over-priced things or doing things just because you think you have to. Embrace that people are ridiculously excited for you, and it's an incredible time of blessing. (Also! Let them help you when they offer!) 

But fyi - real life afterwards isn't a let down. Because learning about the Lord and your new husband is thee adventure of a lifetime. And if nothing else, I've learned how much I don't know in the last couple months - about God, about marriage, about true love and forgiveness, about just doing life alongside someone. But I love the daily journey of learning and growing without being distracted by details for a one-day event. 

Dear God, thank you for all the blessings of a wedding and that time in my life. But dear God, thank you that real-life has just as much joy and blessing when we look to You as our source.