[well God. . . this is not going well]

This morning I was reading the story of Moses and laughing. If I could paraphrase Exodus 3-5, it'd go something like this:

God: Moses, I want you to go to Egypt and bring my people Israel out of slavery.
Moses (remember he's 80 years old): Why me?
God: Because I'm sending you. I am with you.
Moses: Are you sure? These are all the reasons you shouldn't pick me - _________________. I pass.
God (firmly): Go.

Moses obeys. 
Israelites respond in faith and worship. 
Moses gets a boost of confidence and heads to Pharaoh's courts.
Pharaoh responds to Moses by making the lives of the Israelite slaves harder.

Angry Israelites to Moses: Are you trying to get us killed?!
Moses around his campfire that night: Well God. I listened and obeyed. Did I hear right? . . this is not going well.

Have you ever felt that way? You were trying to step out in faith, trust God, follow His ways. Only to fail, struggle, wonder what in the world you got yourself into? So many times we think that following God's leading means the path will be clear, instant and easy, so when it turns out to be twisted, difficult, confusing, exhausting or defeating, we feel just like Moses. This is not what I had in mind God. Am I sure I'm following You? I thought it would be easier. Did I miss something?

And judging from this story, that's exactly where God wants us. If I was Moses, I wouldn't be feeling very confident about my own abilities. But I would sure-as-heck be praying "God, please show up."

When we meet instant success or things go our way, we never pray "God please show up. Please show me what to do." We celebrate (which is good). We are eager to share with family and friends (good). But we don't turn to God in trust, faith and reliance.

Yet if God's purpose is to make us holy, not happy, then failed plans, twisted adventures, things that don't go how we envisioned, are exactly what life is supposed to be about. For that I praise God.

For the times I've tried to reach out to someone difficult in kindness but felt like it didn't make a difference, praise God.

For the times, I've prayed and prayed for a situation to get better and it gets worse, praise God.

For the times, I've followed God's leading only for things to get harder, praise God.

For the times, I've struggled and prayed, "God please show up. Please show me what to do." Praise God.

Moses had no idea what was in store for him or Israel, and I am so grateful the story does not end that night. He doesn't walk away in defeat. He goes back to God in honesty. God re-fills him with His promises and the reminder of His abilities, and though it didn't necessarily get easier, God did come true on His every word. He brought His people out of slavery. He displayed His glory to the nations. And Moses got written into God's eternal story.

Are your "plans" not quite going as you envisioned? Are you not where you thought you'd be, or stuck comparing your situation to the next person over? Are you wondering what in the world you got yourself into, doubting what you once felt so sure of? Praise God.

Go back to His Word and read with a sense of humor the many characters whose plans did not happen according to their timing, their vision or their understanding. Whose lives often got harder when they stepped out in faith. It's those stories that make the Bible what it is. It's those stories that exalt the gospel and worthiness of Jesus. And then trust that the same God, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, the God of Moses, the God of eternity, is at work in your own.

Perhaps His exact purpose was for the "plan" to not go as planned.

[stuck in delayed obedience]

Lately there seems to be a theme to my quiet times - obeying the little things. And truthfully, I found myself disappointed. I used to read my Bible for an hour each morning - writing down notes, reading commentaries, making connections with other passages, etc. Now after 10 minutes of distracted reading, I'm done. What's the hold-up?

The hold-up is that God keeps bringing up little things I haven't obeyed Him in. I sit down to read and soak in truth, but instead He convicts me of what I already know. Perhaps an example will help me explain. Here is a taste of my internal conversation/prayer a couple weeks ago:

H: "Good morning God. I'm reading on in 2 Corinthians about jars of clay . .  .

But you keep bringing up that person to mind. Yes I know I avoided them yesterday when I could have helped the situation. I just didn't have the patience, and I had things to do. Plus they would have gone on talking at me forever about some topic I didn't have time to listen to. You know all the times I've gotten stuck by myself listening to them go on and on and on and on! . . . 

So back to 2 Corinthians! What can I learn today. Let's see, what does that verse mean? . . . 

Ahhh I can't get them (said person) out of my head. Seriously God. I have lots of great reasons for dodging them. . . 

Focus. 2 Corinthians 4. Focus. . . 

[insert failure to re-focus]

Ok God, perhaps I should pray for them. Perhaps I should also confess my sin and pray for an opportunity to show them kindness instead of impatience and annoyance. Forget 2 Corinthians today.  I think I'm being called to pray, repent and act instead . . "

Ever have a battle like that? God won't let you get away with your excuses to do what's easy? Won't leave you alone to just soak in head knowledge but not actually live it out?

I read a convicting quote the other day - "The devil will let you resolve as much as you like; the more the better, just as long as you never carry it out."   [David Guzik]

How true! How much money does Amazon.com make off of books ordered by Christians stuck in delayed obedience? 

"I know I should share the gospel, but that's scary. Instead I'll read one more book that will tell me how."

"I should pray more and worry less, but maybe reading a book about prayer would help instead. I need more strategies first."

"I should love that person, but it's hard. Perhaps a devotional on love would be better."

Are you laughing at this? I am! And I am oh so guilty of it. Our lives are saturated, saturated, in Christian resources while 1,000's of people groups have yet to receive the simple Bible in their heart language.

Let me read one more book God. Let me do anything, anything, but the actual act of obeying You. If I can just know a bit more then I'll be ready. But when is enough, enough? When do we stop circulating our Christian blogs, sermon series, books and music and step out in faith? No other generation has had more access to information and opportunities to learn about and grow in the Bible. Yet I fear it has crippled us from actually obeying what we know.

Now I am no expert in this. I like reading another book of advice far more than stepping out in obedience. But God isn't letting me get away with that these days. And I pray the same for you.

Where is God nudging you recently? Don't think too hard, too big or too impractical. And don't ignore the obvious because you don't want to hear it. Where is God calling you to something small but greatly significant, something higher? What is one small way you can step out in faith? What is one promise from God to remember as you do?

Because truth is, God didn't call us to believe in the Church. He didn't call us to admire/appreciate the Church. He didn't call us to know about the Church. He didn't call us to read up on the Church. He didn't call us to attend church!!

He called us to be the Church, be the light,  be the salt, be His hands and feet.

Let's put down our books beloved Church. Refrain from another blog (after finishing this, of course). Pause your latest pod cast. Wherever God is nudging you, wherever God is calling you, step out. Obey. I'm praying for you. Pray for me! And together let's be what He's called us to be. We know who we are in Jesus. Let's live it out.

[the freedom to walk away]

The past couple months, Jesus has been really precious to me. I'm not sure what it is. But between Bible studies I lead and the season of Lent, I found myself re-reading the passion story a lot lately and getting choked up a couple of times.

It's not that I hadn't heard it before. I know my sin is a barrier between me and God. I know no matter what I do, I cannot attain a perfect relationship with Him. I know Jesus endured excruciating pain, abandonment, betrayal, rejection, suffering and loneliness for me and for the world. I know Jesus bought our eternity back on that cross.

But you know what else? You know what hit me hard this week? We can know all of that and continue on living the very same way. Pursue our dreams, take credit for our gifts, accumulate our stuff, build our own kingdom, ignore Jesus' commands and live for our pleasures, busy schedules and comfortable lives. Recite the gospel from memory but walk away from the call to be His disciple.

Ever notice that?

People walked away from Jesus all the time, especially when He was honest. Jesus stated truth plainly. He showed compassion and grace. He loved deeply. But when He said something people didn't like, and they didn't want to bend to His ways, they walked away. And He didn't run after them.

He didn't coax them back persuasively.

He didn't make empty promises to win their affections.

He didn't speak only what that they wanted to hear or change the message to make it more comfortable.

He spoke truth. He loved deeply. And if they chose to walk away, He let them go.

Does that scare you? It does me.

Because it means I, too, have that same freedom. If I thank Jesus for His forgiveness but go on living my life the way I want, will God still love me? Absolutely. Will He still put people in my life to point me back to His Word? Absolutely. Will He give up on me? No, never. But will I miss out on God's best if I live in this mindset? Every time.

Easter is coming. It's a time when we remember, once again, the message and victory of the cross. I pray it's also a time for us to say yes to Jesus' call. To respond in thankfulness for all He has done and to live differently because of it.

[a people belonging to God]

Last weekend, my high school youth had their annual lock-in - always a fun tradition. As we ate breakfast Saturday morning, we had a quick devotion, and I opened the discussion by asking if they had a favorite stuffed animal as a kid.

Their responses were fun, and we laughed remembering our childhood. There were dog stories and a bear with one burned-off paw. There was Pooh Bear. Even our pastor participated. And I laughed as well remembering my own treasured mouse. His name was original - Mousey - and he went absolutely everywhere with me:

Eventually, he was so loved and played with that he lost the squeak in his ear, his bow tie, his hat and a lot of his fur. When he started losing his head, I tried to push the stuffing back inside and sew his head back onto his left shoulder again. Twice. 

I'll spare you a picture of that beloved mouse now (yes I still have him safe in a drawer). But if you saw him today, you probably wouldn't want to hug and kiss him like I used to. You'd see his worn out fur, his half-decapitated head, his tail hanging on by threads, his used-to-be-white checks turned gray. You'd see a ragged animal, a "used-to-be". 

How many of our lives look like him though? Maybe not from the outside. We have social media and fashion and money and success to project our image and convince the world that things are just fine. But inside, I bet very few of us can keep that game up. We, too, are sometimes hanging on by threads, worn out, ragged, struggling to see beauty when it's easier to see "used-to-be". 

But you know what's true about my mouse? The outsider who has no connection, no memory, no childhood relationship with him sees him only by the outside. But me? I have memories and stories and still love him dearly. I'm not afraid to admit it at 27 years old. He is still a treasure to me. 

And that, my friends, is beautiful because it's exactly how God sees you and me. 

God knows about our inner rags and worn-out selves, but He doesn't define us by them. He knows we may not look like anything special to the outsider, but He doesn't see us that way. He sees us as a treasure. As someone He created in His image. As a person He loves desperately, regardless of our actions, mishaps and mistakes. As someone with much greater potential and beauty than how we appear to the world.

That truth hit me harder a few days later.

I was typing up my moms recipes, and there it was again. My mom has several cookbooks that are well-used and dearly loved from the many years of feeding a family of seven.  And there are marks next to her favorites, ingredient stains, torn pages and sometimes smudged directions that are difficult to read because of the years of use. For her Christmas present, I asked if I could type her favorites into a read-able cookbook for her so she'd have them all together and clean. She agreed and handed me a stack that has kept me busy for hours.

Today as I was typing, though, I came to an extended family favorite - Gabby's Vitamins. Gabby is my Grandpa Fletcher. He passed away when I was 9, and I'm so glad I was old enough to remember him. He loved the Cubs, his family and telling us we looked "sharp" on Sundays. He also loved these cookies, and re-named them his vitamins. Never mind that they were full of chocolate, peanut butter, sugar and margarine. You know, the healthy stuff:

I noticed my aunt's name next to the recipe and took a picture to send to her. Then, as I was typing out my caption for the photo, it hit me. The recipe book is just like my treasured mouse.

From the outside, it looks filthy, a good starter for a bonfire. But those recipe books? They were my mom's lifeline raising kids and a husband who can eat the whole fridge, by himself, every meal. There are memories and stories that come up as you page through the recipes. They are dearly loved, a treasure. 

What do my mouse, my mom's cookbook and you and I have in common?

We are valuable not because of how we appear from the outside but because we mean something to our owner. 

Filthy to the stranger, maybe. But not to the one who calls it, us, "mine".

Our God is not a distant God, not a God uninterested in our daily lives. He is not a God we must manipulate by doing good things, giving enough money to or saying a certain number of prayers. He is not a God who must be worshiped but never loved, feared but never confided in. He is not a God who needs food, sleep or protection. 

He's a God of love. A God of relationship. A God of great patience and mercy and grace. A God who is up 24/7 to hear our prayers, come alongside us in life and remind us of His promises. A God who does not abandon us to figure out life on our own but made a way for us to be with Him. Forever. A God who sees us as a treasure, when the world might discard us as "used to be's".

That matter was forever settled by Jesus. If you doubt you are worth it, just look to the cross. God sees past your rags, my friends. God knows you and loves you for who you are. No need to try and convince Him otherwise. He made you to be precious. Simply because you are His. 

"For you are a chosen people, 

a royal priesthood, 

a holy nation, 

a people belonging to God, 

that you might declare the praises of him 

who called you out of darkness 

into his wonderful light."  1 Peter 2:9

[when heat comes]

Here's the thing about words and blogging: sometimes they're stuck. In your head. In your fragmented prayers. In your heart. But you try to deliver them on paper or in sentences, and they're just a jumbled mess. After four consecutive days of go-go-go, I especially feel that way.

I started several blog posts tonight only to delete them. It's Thursday. I promised to write on Thursdays. But I haven't had the silence or time to let myself even think yet today. How am I supposed to come up with something meaningful and interesting for you to read? How many of you have I already lost?

Perhaps my best bet is just to start with a piece of my journal from Monday. From my sacred few hours before arriving at church. My time for running, for coffee, for breakfast, for God. There is very little I can anticipate or control in my days, but those precious quiet hours I can and do. From Monday:

Reading in Jeremiah this morning, and I really like the analogy in 17:7-8. It says:

". . blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,

whose confidence is in him.

He will be like a tree planted by the water

that sends out its roots by the stream.

It does not fear when heat comes;

its leaves are always green.

It has no worries in a year of drought

and never fails to bear fruit."

I love that it compares the blessed man to a tree planted by water. No matter what goes on around the tree - even scorching sun - the tree is nourished and fruitful because of it's source. What a powerful metaphor for life.

If we are fed by the living water (Jesus), we too will be nourished and fruitful in our own lives, no matter what. Our joy and peace won't rely on external affairs like today's news, someone's reactions to us, if things go our way, how easy a task or relationship is, if our efforts are acknowledged and rewarded, if our love is appreciated, if our physical body is healthy or if our bank account is full. Those elements live, change and die by the hour, day and season.

But a person rooted in Christ? This says that person can have joy and peace no matter what. This tells us we will have no fear when the heat, drought, pressure, pain and hard things come.

I love this metaphor. But I also have a problem with it.

Why is it so easy to agree but so hard to believe and live out?

Why do I love the idea but question it's practical feasibility? Does God really know the kind of world we live in today, I hear you ask?

Does He understand the pressures of success and work and money and achievement? Does He know how difficult that person is? Does He think it's that easy to forgive my spouse? Does He understand how sick my dad is? Does He think there will ever be peace and reconciliation in my country? Does He really even care about my problems? After all, He's busy running the world. Why should He bother with me?

Root myself in Him you say? Sure. That's easy enough. But why isn't this situation getting easier, more hopeful, better? Let's look closely at those verses again.

They say, "It does not fear when heat comes." Notice when. Not if heat, when. It promises heat will come. This tree does not escape heat just because it is connected to a life-giving source. It is not a special, exempt tree from the elements of life. And yes, God could shield it from everything if He wanted.

But that's not how life works.

We all want that. We all want to be shielded from hard things. But let's face it. We're human. And there are all kinds of elements that happen simply because we are part of the world. God doesn't isolate us from everything difficult. He leaves us in the world, in the elements, and He gives us a way to draw on His life, strength and love through it all.

I told you earlier that my morning time to myself is sacred. My time to plant my own roots in Jesus rather than the situations all around me. It only became precious hours to me, though, because of a time of heat in my own life.  A time I will forever be grateful for. Do I still struggle to live this out? Absolutely. But is God growing me through it? Every day.

Embrace the heat, my friends. It will force you embrace your roots in Jesus. And if you find they are shallow, don't panic. God is up 24/7 willing to meet with us whenever we choose to meet with Him. You won't "find" time in your packed schedule for this. You must make time. And then defend it. No matter what. No matter what excuse the world gives you to panic in the heat.

[no filter, no hashtags, no problem]

My husband started grad school last week, so Thursday nights are now 3-hour lecture nights for him. His first suggestion for my Thursdays while he's at class? To blog again. It's not that I don't have the desire. I often don't have the time or leftover energy after full days that are never routine or quiet or slow. But I do want to, so here's to attempting regularly for the next few months, on Thursdays, while he's in class.

Tonight's topic? Things to leave in 2014. Yes I know it's January 22, but it's never to late to make new resolutions.

At the top of my list? Hashtags and selfies. My husband's? Quinoa and elevator music. There's a funny story about that quinoa which I'll have to tell you another night, but let's get back to hashtags and selfies. And oh yes, add instagramed food pictures to that list after another failed baking adventure tonight.

Just before blogging, I tried making a chocolate roulade recipe that looked fun and delicious. Google it if you want to know what the Instagram picture should look like. You make a thin chocolate cake in the oven, let it cool, spread more chocolate on top, roll it several times  and then cut it into slices (just like making cinnamon rolls).

Truth is, even though I read the directions three times before starting and followed them precisely, mine looked a lot more like a large heap of brownie sundae gone wrong. It tastes delicious, but I'm positive you won't be seeing it in the bakery aisle anytime soon.

As I wiped up the large chocolate puddle that leaked all over my counter, I laughed thinking, "I really should have taken a picture of this mess." But wait a second. Why is it we only take pictures of the food that turns out right? Why is it that we take pictures of food at all? And then it gets worse. We add hashtags! Who in the world woke up one day and thought they'd add the pound sign to every random thought they had? About food?! And they'd broadcast to the world these pound-signed thoughts, and the thoughts would be #yum #delicious #perfection. What do you want us to reply? "Great news. Ithinkyourspaghettiiscoldnow"?

Sorry, back to failed baking. These social media, failed baking, things-to-leave-in-2014 random topics have a point. I promise. I think they all speak to a deeper issue that will start to become truth about our generation if we don't wake up. An issue with admitting failure, appearing less than perfect, being human, being normal and sometimes being more disappointed, discouraged, exhausted, frustrated or lonely than #happy #bestfriend #bestdayever #love.

I'm a person who craves authenticity. If you know me, you know that I can't do fake, can't do drama and can't do keeping up with appearances. So as I blog, I will try to be that. And if you choose to follow, please also vow with me to laugh more often at our failures in 2015. Leave your hashtags, selfies and instagramed perfections in 2014, and let's vow to embrace life as it comes, in all it's triumphs and failures.

#nofilter Is that that right poundsign? Great. Make it your last one.

And come back next week.

For now, I have a roulade-turned-brownie-sundae that should be chilled and ready for tasting.

[that we might fully depend on Him]

What word would you use to describe Christmas? I mean it. Pick one.

A thousand options arise, and it's hard to choose. But you know, every year your answer could change. For me it certainly has. And this year I pick "humbling".

Yes, humbling.

Yes I know. I didn't pick the usual - joyful, loving, family-focused, generous. It's not the flip-side either - painful, difficult, lonely or grief-filled. I think most people swing one of those two ways.

But me in 2014? I pick humbling.

You see, even though I've sung "Hark the Herald Angels" a thousand times, this year I can't get one line out of my head: "Mild he lay his glory by." His glory. His power, His beauty. His ability to never need food, shelter, water or sleep. His perfect self with no struggle against temptation, no need for people and none of the limits prone to humanity. 

Mildly, with ease, Jesus laid all of that beside. And He came to us at Christmas. He had every reason in the world to stay in heaven and be limitless for eternity. But He didn't. This blows my mind.

And it causes me this Christmas to reflect on all I think I am, all I think I know and all I think I deserve. Because I realize Jesus never gave those excuses to God.  

And He calls us to do the same.

To be put in our place. To walk humbly. To live gratefully. To bear heartache, struggles, others' disapproval, even persecution. To stop people-pleasing and sounding good from a human standpoint that we might get out of the way to be vessels of God. To stop taking credit, flaunting our opinions and being cynics of God's Word - critical of anything He's said that we don't like.

This is definitely something I'm learning these days. And maybe this is His goal of refinement in my life these past years.

I came blazing out of college. Ready to roll up my sleeves and save the world. Got punched in the gut a few times by the reality of people's lives and what it's like to love and serve and give only to have people walk away from God. Or use Him (or me) for what they need and then gone. 

And that sucks. Let's be honest.

I don't feel like I'm saving the world one bit. But wow. God is. He's much bigger and greater than I ever imagined, and I love and need Him now more than ever.

Maybe that, in and of itself, is God's purpose for me anyway. 

He doesn't care how many come to English or Bible studies or F.I.S.H. dinners. He isn't concerned about numbers, programs and performance. Ministry is His tool to mold, refine and shape me. Ministry is His way to humble me. Ministry is His way to strip me of myself that I might fully depend on Him.

Mild Jesus lay His glory by. Rather than parading His rights, He submitted to God's ways, became lower and re-set the course of history for time and eternity. 

If we are to be His hands and feet, Church, then we must follow His way and His way is humility. Let us be humbled this time of year. Let us be grateful. Let us be humbly grateful and stop telling God how busy and stressed we are (even in the name of good things), that He might show us who He is making us to be. Let us lay all we think we are aside that we might fully depend on Him. 

[to stop counting]

A few weeks back a friend loaned me a book: Born to Run by Christopher McDougall. It's about a hidden tribe in the copper canyons of Mexico and their amazing ability to run endless miles over treacherous terrain. They wear sandals instead of running shoes, eat natural foods instead of goo packs and have never considered (or maybe even heard of) stop watches, heart-rate monitors or iPods.

Oh yeah. And when I said endless I meant it. Not 5K fun runs. Not marathons even. Try 50 or 100+ miles in one shot and then the same the next day. No joke. And no problem for them. So what's their secret you ask?

Turns out a lot of things. But of all the discoveries, one stuck out to me first. 

They never measured - distance, times, whether their feet under or overpronated, how many pounds they lost, BMI's, nothing. It wasn't about their mile splits or having a direct path marked out on GPS beforehand. They ran for the fun, the experience, the thrill, to get somewhere. They ran to enjoy and soak in their surroundings. They ran with friends and against friends in competitions. Where the victor's prize was simple pride in their accomplishment. No need for medals, Tshirts, money, beer tents, instagram photos and "post-race results."

In short, more than physically running, they discovered a pure heart and love for the sport. 

The day after I read that, I stopped measuring. Stopped taking my watch and iPod with me. I still mapped my routes beforehand to know mileage, but that's it. It's only been four weeks, and already I've noticed changes.

And it's got me thinking. What if we stopped measuring in every area of life? What if we stopped counting, stopped weighing, stopped assigning numbers to everything.

What if being healthy was more than counting calories, measuring inches, calculating pounds?

What if job success wasn't based on percents, sales, profits, efficiency?

What if the value of education and teachers wasn't based on test scores?

What if ministry wasn't about attendance numbers?

What if social media wasn't about "likes", "re-tweets" and "shares?"

What if life didn't revolve around constant comparison in how we "measure up" to others so that we are free to just be?

This I think could free a lot of people, myself included. To return to the basics of why we do what we do. Why did I start running? Truthfully I wanted to get to state cross country in high school. Then I wanted to avoid gaining the "freshmen 15" in college. But the true love began when running evolved into an escape and a prayer journey and a way to release and refresh. 

Somewhere along the way I forgot that though. I was obsessed with mile splits and pace after every run. I had goals for improving my half-marathon times and running a full. And sometime last year I started burning out, started a plateau. Running became a chore instead of a delight. My legs were tired before I started, and no matter how new my shoes were, they felt old and broken. 

I think the same thing can happen in any aspect of life if we're not careful. So I've stopped counting minutes and mile splits. Stopped analyzing times. Stopped relying on music to entertain myself. And though there is no "magic bullet" that works for all, it's been a true joy to reconnect with the basics again.

No measurements to define success.

No stopwatch to tell me I'm fast, slow, capable, not.

Just me, God, a road, a world waking up and a sunrise most days through the trees. Now to apply to the rest of life..

[that's the part you gotta worry about]

Last night I found an old journal entry that struck me. I had been meditating on Matthew 6:25, a well-known and repeated verse:

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?"   

-Jesus

And though I'd heard those words countless times, what hit me was how insignificant those worries seem to be in light of the problem of sin. It's as if God was saying:

Worry about the moments you fail to extend My love and grace.

Worry about the money you hoard for yourself.

Worry about the things you buy in hopes they will provide happiness or joy apart from Me.

Worry about the grudges you hold.

Worry about the lies you tell to "get ahead" or make people assume only good things about you.

Worry about the judgments you make on others.

Worry about your impatience and rudeness in traffic or stores.

Worry about selfishness

Worry about pride.

Worry about all the things you put in front of spending time with Me.

Worry about thinking intellectual agreement is the same as belief.

Worry about ignoring Me when you don't like what I have to say.

Worry ignoring the people I have placed in your hands to serve.

Worry about the phone calls you avoid and relationships you squander.

Worry about losing your thirst and hunger for My Word.

Ever seen "Fox and the Hound"? It's a Disney movie about a dog and a fox that become friends, not knowing they're supposed to be enemies. As the fox (Todd) is examining another full-grown but fast-asleep hunting dog, he first notices his ears. Copper, the little dog, replies to his friend, "That's not the part you gotta worry about." 

Then Todd checks out his teeth. As he does, the big dog starts to wake up, and Copper yelps, "That's the part you gotta worry about!" as they run off to safety.

While a cartoon dog hunting a cartoon fox is a bit different, I think it's a great picture of what Jesus is trying to say here. The big dog's ears can't hurt the fox. But his teeth? Yessir. Not only can they do damage, but they can take his life. Same with what Jesus tells us to concentrate on instead of physical things:

"But seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you." (v. 33)

Seek first to honor, follow, believe, trust and worship Him. And in light of His Kingdom, the rest of what we seem to worry about gains perspective to become what it really is - temporary. 

[life that is truly life]

There's a verse that hit me in church last Sunday and continually came up all week long.

"These things are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God."    John 20:31

I've sung it countless times as part of the liturgy before. I can repeat it with my eyes closed actually, and intellectually I nod my head yes every time. But the beauty of God's Word is that it's living and active, and some of His sweetest lessons are when He opens our hearts to truth, not just intellectual agreement.

That's what it felt like this week for me. "These things are written. . "

Why?

"That you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God.."

And! There's more. It gets better.

". . and by believing you may have life in his name."

Let's be honest. It wasn't like God was bored one day and decided to write down His accomplishments. Needed to flex His muscles a bit. Thought someone might like to know some world history. He existed long before the world, will exist after and doesn't really need a Bible to back Himself up.

No, God inspired His Word for us. It was written down for us. To point us to Him. To reveal Himself. To teach us about His compassion, mercy, grace, truth, holiness and love. And He did it by using stories of people, average people, from many ages, many backgrounds and  many nations that had many struggles, triumphs, talents, failures, inadequacies, excuses and countless crap-I-messed-up-agains.

For us. That we may believe, and that by believing, we may have life not shortened by death. Life that is truly life (1 Timothy 6:17-19).

[a thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices]

Christmas seems almost . .  magical . . this year. Magical isn't the word, but I don't know what is. Technically, it's my 26th Christmas. I don't remember the first few, but I do have many fond memories and lists of little things I love that are unique to this season.

All that isn't what makes this year ... different, special, truly the most wonderful time of the year, though.

It's the fact that people seem less selfish and self-consumed. It's taking a break from work and school to make time for people. It's the joy and fun of giving. It's when the things/people of life that should matter most actually do. 

And it's lines like this from O Holy Night - "A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices, for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn." 

Weary. Isn't that a great word to describe our world today? I'm tired. Everyone's tired. When's the last time someone told you they were well-rested? Seriously. It sounds hilarious to even hear it in my head let alone from someone's mouth. 

"A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices." Those words were written to speak of the night Jesus was born, a time when the world was hungry for hope. 

But truthfully, not much has changed. We're still starving for it today. 

Starving to remember, to believe, to trust and to persevere. Starving to look beyond circumstances of situations, struggles, war, tragedy, poverty and pain to believe it's still a beautiful world. Starving to defeat Satan's lies, so that, no matter what life brings, our hope is anchored in God who loves us beyond circumstances of this life and is not deaf to our troubles or prayers.

The more I get to know people from around the world, the more I realize how much we, how much I, need the gospel, the good news, hope every day. 

And it doesn't matter what our battle is. 

It doesn't matter if it's illness, grief, finances, parenting, marriage, depression, abuse, exhaustion, complacency, anger, pride, selfishness, poverty, fear, fighting or loneliness. We need a God who is greater, stronger, wiser and more powerful to look to and to trust in, and that's what Christmas is about. The gift of the Savior who not once let us down, not once loved us less and not once avoided God's will to die on a cross and conquer sin, death and the devil for us. A Savior who gives us greater citizenship in heaven, beyond the world's broken systems.

This is our hope, world! This is our Christ, our Messiah, our Savior. This is the time to rejoice. Joy to the whole wide, often weary, world, the Lord has come. 

And with Him, He brings beautiful, beautiful hope.

[nothing compares]

**This post is ironic considering my last one. I didn't realize that until I was editing everything I had written out here. It had been long enough that I didn't remember what I previously wrote about, and wow - exactly the same thing. Ironic? I think not. Carry on:

Last night I drove home early enough to see the sun set. As I coasted down the interstate, it slowly faded to my right into a brilliant mix of pinks, purples, blues, yellows and oranges - painted in streaks across the sky, making everything else glow in it's wake, even more stark because of the colorless landscape all around.

It commanded attention in the most beautiful way, and it deserved it.

Sadly, I didn't get to an off-ramp fast enough. Then when I did, there were houses and businesses and cars in my way, and I found myself frustrated with all the man-made stuff interfering with creation.

Finally, though, I got far enough away from buildings to freeze the last few moments:

The picture doesn't do justice to the brilliance a few moments before, but it was a try. As I got back in my car and headed home, I found myself driving by a big, beautiful, luxurious home and thinking, "That's ugly compared to what I just saw." 

And it was funny to me because I've spent countless hours admiring houses - as I drive, as I run, as I explore new neighborhoods and cities, just living life. I sometimes dream about what kind of house I'll hopefully live in some day - small enough to not spend my life cleaning or filling it with worthless stuff, big enough to welcome the people I love. Full of mementos and life-acquired memories and cozy. 

But then you see sunsets like yesterday, and you fall in love all over again with the beauty of God. The beauty He creates and lets us enjoy. The beauty of knowing Him.

And nothing compares. Sure I get side-tracked and distracted by the world's wealth, beauty, attraction. Sure, I fight the constant battle between my desires and humanity versus God's will and Word. Sure, it's easy to lose sight of that so fast. To squeeze God out, even with other good things. (See last post if you don't believe me. I told you this was ironic.)

But it's a humbling moment when you look out your window and see indescribable beauty. Even here my words feel clumsy and inadequate trying to describe the greatness of God I felt in the moment, the worthiness of God I answered 'yes' to, the grace of God allowing us to simply enjoy Him because He is good.

Like I said last time, it's the battle of a lifetime to answer, "Yes Lord, nothing compares to You." But it's a battle oh so worthy of being fought.

[good intentions failed again]

Do you ever have a love/fail relationship with verses? Philippians 3:8 says, "What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ." And I love it.

I agree with it wholeheartedly. I want it to be true in every aspect of life.

But truth is, it doesn't take much to distract me. That struck me the other day as we discussed it with the high school youth group. Oh Lord, everything else is rubbish, but...I really want that new pair of shoes because I like them. Nevermind I have many others and haven't given an offering this week. Oh God, everything else is rubbish, but...I would rather go to the ISU football game instead of doing ministry things. Everything else is rubbish, but I got distracted on the internet and wasted all the time I had set aside to read my Bible. The list goes on.

"I consider everything a loss.." yet I cling tightly to the familiar, the easy, the things I love, my humanity. I intellectually agree with the verses, and then real life happens, and my feet, hands and heart fail to follow. 

And you know, the thing that brings me comfort is that Israel had the exact. same. problem. When Moses read the Book of the Covenant to them they responded, "We will do everything the LORD has said; we will obey!" [Exodus 24:7] But when Moses takes longer than their liking on the mountain, they decide to make themselves a golden calf idol instead. 

Or Peter. Jesus predicts his denial, and he responds, never. "Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will. . . Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you."  [Matthew 26:33,35] And then he does - all. three. times.

You see, the more I grow in faith, the more I see my humanity, sin and struggle to follow God more clearly. A Chinese friend once asked me, "What about the good people who don't know the God? What happens to them?" And I answered, "Well, God doesn't judge our goodness compared to other people. He judges us compared to Jesus." "Ohhhh then no they're not Jesus," she responded with a shaking head.

Neither am I. Neither are you. And so we nod our heads yes, yes Lord when we like the promises and commands in His word. But every day the devil sets traps all around us, and every day I'm a sucker for them. Distractions. Worry. Impatience. Selfishness. Pride. Greed. The list goes on.

Which is why I also like verses like Psalm 25:15: "My eyes are ever on the LORD, for only he will release my feet from the snare." Only He has the way out.

You see, our culture today is obsessed with "how-to's" in 5-10 easy steps. I just Googled that exact phrase and got these results on the first page alone:

-"How to lose 10 pounds in just two weeks!"
-"Five steps to find your inner balance"
-"Five winning ways to grow a savings account"
-"How to clean your room in less time: 5 steps (with pictures)"
-"How to win chess in five moves or less"

But when I tried to apply that idea to sin in my life it didn't work out so well. Instead I have to come back to Christ's defeat, Christ's victory over sin, Christ's sacrifice once and for all. I have to be humbled once again that it's not about what I can do but always about what Christ has done. It's always about His strength and perfection, not mine. And ultimately it's always always always about God, not me.

When I come back to that foundational truth, that is when I can truly say, "everything else is rubbish Lord apart from knowing you." And that's the battle of a lifetime.

[it's good to be "normal" again]

Ahhhh I didn't forget about blogging, and I didn't give up on it. I got engaged, was part of weddings, went to weddings, planned my wedding, spent a week in St. Louis and a week in Texas at conferences, moved cities, continued ministry, got married and somewhere in-between continued to eat, sleep, run and breathe.

And you know, it's been fun. But holy smokes I am glad to settle back into a "normal person" life. A routine of some sort. A weekend free here or there. A living room that isn't full of piles and boxes. A purse that isn't full of "to-do" and "don't forget" lists. A person who's every conversation isn't about a one-day event.

I'm not complaining. Planning our wedding and the day itself were a dream come true. Almost all of the people I love most were in one place at the same time, just once. Never again will we have friends and family from 19 different states and representing 5 different countries witness our vows and share a meal and party together. Never again will I get to wear that beautiful dress and feel like a pampered beauty queen. Never again will we get to make the day truly ours with personal touches and ideas.

We did. We loved planning and scheming for the day. We loved making it our own unique, personalized day. We loved the whole weekend with everyone. We love looking back at pictures that capture the fun, emotions, love, friendship and life that day.

And yet.

For all the hype and beauty of a wedding.

For all the reasons I would definitely go back and do it all over again.

For all the love, fun, emotions and life that day.

I'm glad it's over.

Because now life sets in. Now I'm a normal person again - not defined as a bride. Now the real beauty and work of marriage begins. Now what God designed to last a lifetime replaces the one-time event, and I'm so thankful for Him in it all.

No longer are my prayer times interrupted by thoughts of things I forgot to do. No longer do I drag out of bed because I spent too much time putting together invites or scheming on Etsy the night before. No longer do I sit down to read the Bible but fail to concentrate on anything except passages about love and marriage. And I'm definitely ok with that. 

To future brides that might happen to read this - stay excited about your wedding day. Put your heart into planning and making the day truly yours. Don't get fooled into buying over-priced things or doing things just because you think you have to. Embrace that people are ridiculously excited for you, and it's an incredible time of blessing. (Also! Let them help you when they offer!) 

But fyi - real life afterwards isn't a let down. Because learning about the Lord and your new husband is thee adventure of a lifetime. And if nothing else, I've learned how much I don't know in the last couple months - about God, about marriage, about true love and forgiveness, about just doing life alongside someone. But I love the daily journey of learning and growing without being distracted by details for a one-day event. 

Dear God, thank you for all the blessings of a wedding and that time in my life. But dear God, thank you that real-life has just as much joy and blessing when we look to You as our source. 

[what do hymns and St. Patrick have in common?]

St. Patty's day is comin' up, and I just learned something cool about thee St. Pat. It has nothing to do with lephrachauns, Guinness, the color green or Irish pubs, so peace out now if you're disappointed. If not, stick with me.

My "aha!" moment started with a hymn - "Be Thou My Vision." I'd heard it before, but today it struck me as my Pandora station shuffled through songs. So I searched through the various arrangements on YouTube and liked this one best: [be Thou my vision - chelsea moon] .

Then the history nerd in me came out, and I searched the song's original meaning. It just seemed like a great prayer - to not care about riches, human praise, physical needs, knowledge, worldly success or anything but God's opinion, God's riches, God's wisdom - something I connect with in my heart but end up straddling the line between every day. Between sold-out devotion to God and yet attraction to the world's treasures. Between desiring to please only Him yet still seeking affirmation from others. You know. Being human.

Then I stumbled upon story after story of the guy behind the song. Curious? St. Patrick. Thee St. Patrick. Thee original dude who's name people get dressed up in green for, drink green beer for, throw cabbages and leftover Marti Grai beads at parades for if you're in Biloxi, Mississippi five spring breaks ago. No joke here's proof:

But the original St. Patrick was far from this. Turns out he was a missionary, and this was a hymn written about the time he put his life on the line defying the king of Ireland. It was the night before Easter, and King Logaire had ordered no candles could be lit before he lit a fire on Slane Hill to signify the start of a pagan spring festival. St. Patrick lit candles anyway, and the king let him live. 

Turns out his royal highness was so impressed by Patrick's courage and devotion that he let the missionary continue his work instead of putting him to death. A few centuries later, a monk wrote the hymn to honor Patrick's actions/faith that night.

Pretty sweet eh? Lighting a few candles doesn't seem like a huge, gigantic, superhero, overly-spiritual kind of action, but the fact that his life was on the line means a whole different thing. Pretty awesome. And God gets the glory when the king recognizes Patrick's devotion, concludes he must be following Someone pretty important, yields and spares his life. 

Reminds me of Esther's story in the Bible. Reminds me God does His best work in the impossibles. And motivates me to pray "Lord be my vision." Not my success. Not my gain. Not my acceptance. Not my perfect, easy, comfortable life or that things work my way, but God and God's glory alone. 

[what to pray?]

Many people have asked me what I prayed last Wednesday. Had the opportunity to give an opening prayer before the Iowa House of Representatives and the Senate, and wow, that was my same question. What do you pray?

It started in December. I got a call from my dad's first cousin, Steve Olson, asking if I'd give an opening prayer to the Iowa legislators on January 16. He has served in the Iowa House for District 83 since he was first elected in 2002, and he was in-charge of finding a "Pastor of the Day" for that opening Wednesday.

I asked him if he had the right number. He laughed, told me he wanted to find someone close to Des Moines in-case of bad weather and let me know the specifics. It had to be 60-90 seconds long, sensitive to other faiths and was limited to just prayer. Told him I was honored and humbled, and though hesitant about the sensitive part, said yes.

After talking with others, praying about it and a long seven-mile run one weekend, I decided to pray in the name of Jesus and focus on truth versus offending people.

Lastly, I led a Bible study with friends from China, Korea, Iraq and Brazil the day before. The minute I said "Amen" at the end of our prayer to close the study, one of the Chinese women exclaimed, "Peace! You prayed for peace. My mother told me to look for the peace and that is where I would find the God." With that fresh on my heart, I added peace.

The next day, I took my notes, asked God for confidence and prayed approximately this:

"Father God, I thank You for the opportunity to be here this morning and to ask for Your presence, peace and blessing in this place. I thank You that Your Word says all authority on earth has ultimately been established by You. I also thank You that because of this, we are called to obey and submit to our leaders so that their work will be a joy and not a burden. 

Father I thank You for these men and women and pray that You'd give them diligence, wisdom and discernment in the coming weeks and months as they sort through many possible agenda items. I pray You would help them to know only what You've called them to do, only what You've asked of them, and that that is enough.

And God ultimately I pray that You would be known and glorified here. Because our governments and states and countries will eventually fade, but You remain. Lead, guide, protect and bless them Father, and make me, make us, faithful in praying for them throughout the coming days and weeks ahead. We ask for Your peace. We look to You in all things, and we pray this all in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen."

Thankful and humbled for the opportunity, and praying He continues to answer this and many other prayers for our government in the coming weeks and months.

[change-up]

To whom this may concern:

I started a new blog - [everyday Easter] - based off the April entry that a lot of people continue to mention to me - [i need Easter for today, not just eternity] .

I feel like a blog should be shorter, updated more often and have a kind of theme rather than random thoughts. I may still keep this up though. Check it out, and stay tuned!

[faith for more than me]

Whoops guess who got caught up in life and forgot about this. Guilty as charged.

But God has been soaking something into my heart lately that I wanted to share. It's about faith. We've been studying Hebrews 11 (the "by-faith" chapter) the last month or so in my small group, and the other night as we wrapped it up, God showed me that the faith of the people listed was not just about them.

I mean, sure Abraham was given faith that enabled him to drop everything he owned, everything he knew, everything secure, and go "to the land I (God) will show you." Sounds nuts even today, and we live in the information-overload-I-can-learn-it-all-online-thanks-internet world.

And sure David was given faith and courage for many things. Same with all the other heroes listed in the chapter. Their assignments weren't easy. Their victories? Irrational. Their instructions, almost humorous if you think about receiving them in today's context:

"Take out the largest giant you've ever seen with a marshmallow shooter David."  Love, God.

"Build a boat that's 100 feet longer than an American football field and half the width. Fyi: you can't hide this in your garage or tool shed Noah."      Love, God.

"Rebuke everyone around you for their sin against Me Jeremiah. Let them know My wrath is coming, and it's going to be bad. You probably won't need a cell phone, Facebook or Gmail after this because you won't have many if any friends, but don't worry!"     Love, God.

Uh thank you? We read their stories in hindsight and assume we'd be able to say yes, but put them in today's context, and I'm guessing most of us would run the other way. I'd probably laugh first, then run. Like Jonah. Don't. Pick. Me.

But God did pick them. God did use them. And what He showed me last week was that their faith was not just about them. Sure He gave them faith and power to believe and do hard, impossible things, but that wasn't the end of His work. God gave them faith to carry out what He called them to do, yes. But He also used their faith to work through them to others and for His glory.

Take Moses and the Red Sea. Israel has just been divinely delivered from slavery in Egypt. They're on their way to the promised land when Pharaoh changes his mind and sends his troops after them. Ahead is the Red Sea. Behind are the Egyptian forces.

God's response? Raise your staff Moses. The waters will part, and you'll walk through.

God's promise? "I will gain glory for myself through Pharaoh and all his army, and the Egyptians will know that I am the LORD."   [Exodus 14:4]

The result? The Egyptians follow them into the Red Sea and are swallowed by the waters after Israel reaches the other side safely.

The purpose beyond just Moses' and Israel's faith? The fulfillment of exactly what God had promised about gaining glory for Himself. Check out the prostitute Rahab's testimony decades later: "We have heard how the LORD dried up the water of the Red Sea for you when you came out of Egypt . . . When we heard of it, our hearts melted and everyone's courage failed because of you, for the LORD your God is God in heaven above and on the earth below."   [Joshua 2:10-11]

God's sole aim wasn't their freedom from Egypt and miraculous crossing of the Red Sea. It wasn't only about their own faith and trust in Him at the time. Through their freedom, through their faith, He made Himself known as God, the only God, and gained glory and worship that is still being read about and learned today.

So if God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, then I have to ask myself what His aim of my faith is. Sure, I wish I trusted Him more, remembered to pray instead of worry so much, had more patience and less pride - the list goes on because I'd like more faith for me. But if me, myself and I am the end of the faith I desire, then I think I'll miss out on what God wants to do. And I think you will too.

Can it be true that God desires to use our faith for much greater things than just our own peace, joy, comfort, salvation and faith? Can we dare to look beyond ourselves in our self-absorbed world that's all about my pleasure, my pain, my comfort, my dreams, my money, my wants, my needs, my space, my have-to-haves? Can we dare to believe that God is capable of using our faith not just for our faith's sake?

I think so. I really do. Simply because that's who He is. Simply because I believe we are not the end of anything we are given whether it's money, relationships, time, talents, gifts, even trials and struggles. And I'm learning the same goes for faith.

[who's attention are You trying to get?]

A few weeks ago there was an apartment fire in my city that destroyed the homes of several international friends. Thankfully no one was hurt, but I spent a lot of time feeling sad and sorry for my friends the day it happened.

As I was dwelling on it and riding my bike home that night, though, I looked up from the path before me into the most beautiful sunset. The brilliant mix of colors was beyond a Crayola box of 64, and the clouds seemed to dance and float across the sky reflecting them. In that moment, these verses from Psalm 50 came to mind:

"The Mighty One, God, the LORD,

speaks and summons the earth

from the rising of the sun to the place where it sets.

From Zion, perfect in beauty,

God shines forth.

Our God comes and will not be silent;"

From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets. Our God comes and will not be silent. Wow.

Immediately I was reminded of my run a month ago through the cornfields and gravel roads of home. I had forgotten my headphones, so it ended up being six miles of prayer time and mind wandering, but as I looked around me at the sun-scorched crops that day, I couldn't help asking myself, "Whose attention are you trying to get God?"

To say it's been a dry year is an understatement. Very little snow this winter. Very little rain this summer. Corn turning brown in July like it was October - killing itself from the bottom up. Plants looking pretty parched. Creeks looking pretty sandy. Temps always way too hot and sunny without rain to refresh the earth.

But as I ran that day and looked at the scorched, thirsty crops, I was reminded that God was in control. That only He could "tip over the water jars of the heavens" (Job 38:37-38). That even when a farmer does everything else perfectly, they are still at the mercy of things beyond their control. But in that moment of helplessness, there is also a beautiful opportunity for faith to develop. And isn't that what it's ultimately all about anyway?

Our attention. That's what God wants more than anything else. And I'm learning He'll do whatever it takes to re-focus our hearts and eyes back to Him who gave us them in the first place. 

For some it takes a fire that destroys the temporary things of this world. For others it's a dry year where one's income, needs and livelihood are at the mercy of mother nature. For me? It was homesickness in South Africa. It was watching things I found my identity in crumble before me. It is now finding myself in a job where I have no choice but to depend on God for things I can't control, things I don't know, love and patience I don't have, difficult and painful situations I can't fix.

And though it often takes the hard things in life to finally look to God for strength and help, isn't it cool that He's gracious enough to give us those things? I mean, He loves us enough to allow hard things in life to happen - even though painful - because He ultimately wants to draw us back to Himself, the One who was before the world began and will still be around when the world ends. The One who made us in His image, bought our lives back on the cross and loves us as we come. The One who is so passionate about His glory and His people that He will not be silent. He will not stop pursuing us. He will not stop reminding us Who is in control and Who has the strength and wisdom to carry us through all things we face.

This is true grace, my friends, if we really stop to consider it. God loves us enough not to leave us where we are. And ultimately, more than happiness or easyness of life or simplicity, He wants our hearts, our worship and our love. And He will do whatever it takes to get our attention.

Super humbled by this. Super grateful. And praying I would continue to see His grace in all things. That both the good and bads of life are an invitation to once again put my faith and trust in Him who holds all things, knows all things, works in all things and has life under control when it seems chaotic and broken and overwhelming and hard from my perspective in the moment.

[the therefore]

The past few months the word "therefore" has been on my heart, mind and path. In my conversations, quiet times and songs. Constantly popping up and consistently pulling through.

According to Webster, it means "for that reason; because of that; to that end." It's never a word you start a thought or instruction with. It's a connector. Between what you've just said and what you want to say next. Because the statement that follows a "therefore" is always in light of what's before it - something else that must be read, learned and understood first.

And what's stuck with me the last few months is that the Bible is loaded with therefore-type statements. God never seems to deliver commands without that transition word or a phrase like it. "Because of X now do Y" or "in light of Y live like Z."

It's never "get your act together and shape up. Suck it up. Seriously what's your deal?"

It's always, "Remember what I've done for you. Remember who I am. Remember the way I have persistently and consistently followed through on every single thing I've promised throughout time and eternity. Then. Therefore. In light of that. Go live and serve and love this way, the way I originally made you, the way that will ultimately bring you the most peace, fulfillment and joy." God's commands are never apart from God's promises you know?

It's easy to forget that though.

There are things left undone. Things I know God calls me to do that I don't particularly want to do or be. Things I just can't seem to get figured out and truth I know but fail again and again to trust. The things I want to do I don't always do. The things I know I shouldn't do I continue to slip in.

And it's like, "Jeez God. Why am I such a failure? Why am I not better at this and trusting in that and able to be and do and live the way I know you want me to?"

When I find myself in this trap, I always have to come back to Romans 8:1-2. ". . there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit set me free from the law of sin and death." I am not condemned because I don't always have the faith, trust or love I should. I'm rebuked because I've failed to spend time with the One who gives those things.

Because when God calls us to do hard things, to give up hard dreams, to love hard people, to do more than just exist in this life and to hand over the rights to ourselves that we never really had anyway, we only find the strength and desire to do that when we spend time remembering Who He is and what He's done.

Everything begins at the cross and John 15 - remaining in God. Never with us trying harder, working longer, doing more or attempting to conjure up the things we know we're supposed to feel and do when truth is, we really don't feel them. We really don't care to do that. We're human. Painfully, obviously human. And that's not a miserable thing to dwell on. It's just reality.

This is the beauty of therefore, especially on days like today when I need it most. When I struggle with having any sort of patience or love or desire to be with people or serve people. When I wish the world would just stop spinning and running and my schedule would stop being filled. I realize it's not always a rebuking that I need, though, but a gentle, quiet reminder of Who He is and what He's done for me.

Passages like Isaiah 54:10 draw me back: "'Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,' says the LORD who has compassion on you."

And I'm reminded in my quiet time that I serve and love and give and hand over my time, moneys, talents and plans because of what God's done for me. Never because it's noble. Never because it's a religious duty. Never to earn God's favor. Never to try and avoid His rightful wrath. Always in light of His compassion, grace and mercy in my life. Always the cross comes first. Always the time with God. Always the gospel for me before others. Then the action. Then the ministry. Then the therefore.